My So Called Life - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Embrace life -- both the sweet days and the bitter...embrace the joy and the sadness...the successes and the defeats -- for all of these things, both good and bad, have made you who you are.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Quick Update - So Damn Busy!

Wow - I have been so busy as of late.

Working a lot plus moving out of my apt have kept me from blogging regularly...I hope that you guys are still out there.

I have tomorrow off and then I only have 6 more days of receiving new files at work...

WOOHOO - then the countdown begins...

Even though I am not updating regularly I am still reading all of your blogs. It is so refreshing to keep up with you guys through your blogs.

It is like an extended family...

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Wireless Internet - Another Step Towards The Future

Yes - I now have wireless internet. One of my friends totally did a work over on my computer. Now it runs faster, loads up faster, and my wireless internet works.

I am excited b/c this means that I can go to coffee shops and use the net and keep my blog updated while I enjoy my caffeine.

So yeah - short blog today - just short updates like I promised...tell more later.

Everyone keep brettcajun's boyfriend in your thoughts...if you havent kept up with his blog, his bf stayed behind in New Orleans with his elderly parents and is right in the path of Hurricane Katrina (I hate that bitch already!)....

Talk soon...

Thursday, August 25, 2005

My Apartment Is Empty - And I Am Out!

Everything is gone!

I am sitting in an empty apartment - everything has been sold or given away except for the bare essentials.

I am one of those people that has no problem parting with material items when I move.

I love moving with as little as possible!

4 more weeks and I am on my way....

Take care guys - blog soon!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Updates, Updates, Updates - It's Been A While

I know it's been a while since I updated my blog....

My Lack of Blogging:

I am moving out of my apt this week and will begin my 5 week stint of staying with friends...:-) This is to avoid paying rent in September here in Dallas to saved money...I do have some good friends here in Dallas that are letting me stay with them rent free - woohoo!

Uhaul Situation:

Mechanic came out to my apt at 12:15 pm and told me that the radiator had a leak in it. He recommended me taking the truck back and getting a replacement. Well by the time I got back to the Uhaul place (around 12:45 pm), they had no other trucks available - so I didn't get to move my furniture and they STILL charged me the 33.00 charge...ugh - can we say Better Business Bureau complaint?!?!?

Work Update:

Busy, busy, busy - working long hours at work and at home -- grrrr - but it is needed this month. This is the last month before I transfer and I want to leave with a good impression....

Near Future of Blogging:

My posts will be scattered and inconsistent over the next month b/c of my living situation so I apologize....my normal blogging will resume when I arrive in Atlanta in September.....but I will update before that - unfortunately just not as regularly as I have been...

Take Care Everyone! :-)

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Welcome to Adam - My Best Friend From Dallas!

My friend Adam has started blogging again....he actually lives in Colorado...

he used to have The C Blog.....

but now he has a new blog....

We were co-workers for 2 years, roommates for 3 years, and friends for 5 years...

Check out his new blog below:

Life on B Road

Moving Day For My Furniture - Uhaul Problems!

I woke up this morning hangover intact. :-)

I went to pick up my Uhaul because I was taking all of my furniture to its new owners today...woohoo...that meant more money right?!? Wrong!

I picked up the Uhaul at 9:30 am and drove it back home. I was home by 9:50 am. I went inside and got some furniture ready to move, I called my friend D to let him know he could come over, and I sat down to rest.

I went back outside to open up the back sliding door of the Uhaul when I noticed something leaking from the Uhaul's engine. At first I figured it was just water from the air conditioner...but something inside me told me to take a closer look.

I did and I immediately became pissed off...

The liquid was not clear...it was GREEN!

The Uhaul that I was in possession for less than 1/2 hour was leaking anti-freeze. It stopped after the next 15 minutes so that leads me to believe that the water pump might be busted. I do not think that it is a total direct leak from the radiator.

So I called the Uhaul place and told them of the situation and she was very short with me and said "I can't help you. You will have to call the 1-800 number on the contract. There is nothing more we can do for you."

Sigh.....

I wasn't trying to complain at that point - I was simply trying to inform them that their vehicle was not in the best of condition and that it was leaking anti-freeze, but she was rude and interrupted me. I just said thank you and hung up.

It is now 11:45 am. I have been waiting for the Uhaul mechanic for 1 1/2 hours now. I have to have the Uhaul truck back by 3:00 or they charge me 250.00 for making them miss the next reservation. So I will probably not even be able to deliver the furniture...grrrr...

And its kind of ironic that they would charge me 250.00 for making them miss the next reservation because how could they in good faith actually give this vehicle to another customer...LOL...maybe I should warn their next customer.

Oh..and get this...when they rented me the vehicle, they told me "Dont worry about the check engine light - it stays on all the time..."

Right.....

I will keep ya posted on when the mechanic shows up.....

Friday, August 19, 2005

The Flakiness of Men - The Simple Solution

I know this guy here in Dallas. I have actually known him for several years. The first time we met, we actually met off of the internet. We went out for a movie and hung out at his apartment. It was pretty innocent. I had a good time and we scheduled another date. Well we never really had that second date...instead I just ended up spending the night at his apartment. Nothing happened between us. It was merely sleeping...That was the last time during this initial phase that we hung out.

I called him a few times and he never returned any of my calls. I let it drop after a couple weeks and I moved on with my life...

Fast forward about 7 - 8 months - maybe even a year....these time frame estimates are rough.

I am online one night when this screenname pops up and I recognize it but I do not recall who actually belongs to this screenname. He tells me who it is, and I am like..."howdy"....we exchange pleasantries and decide to have lunch. He apologizes online for vanishing...he says that he had started dating this guy right around the time that we were hanging out so he just cut everyone off.....

Hmmm - How nice is that???

So lunch goes well...he calls me a few days later and he reaches my voicemail.

I of course don't call him back because I don't know if I even want to start hanging out with him again.

A few weeks pass and I call him back....

No call back.

I wait a week and call him a second time....

No call back.

Yet again I move on....not even giving him another thought.

Fast forward several more months - maybe even exactly another 8 months or so.

I am online and guess who should appear but this guy yet again. We talk and I am so not interested this time that I barely respond. I am not rude but keep my distance online. We chat and he says that if I want to we should hang out. He says he still has my number and that we should hang out. I tell him that I wouldnt mind it, but it would just be as friends. He says ok. He emails me that same night and we sign off.

I call him the next week.

No call back.

I wait a few days and give him one more try...

No call back.

Again I move on with my life :-)

Well that was probably 4 months ago and guess who showed up online today.

LOL - ha ha - you are right. Mr. Flakey himself. He asks if I still live in my current apartment and I say yes. He asks if i would like to go out on a date.

I responded very simply as follows:

"No. I called you last time we talked and yet again you did not call me back."

Now for those who know me, you might say "wow..that was a very tame response."

Yes - you would be right. I could have gone off on him and trust me, I had some thoughts going through my mind that were Oscar-worthy. But what would that have done.

That would have overstated his importance AND my level of interest. Truth is I had no interest in even talking to him, so to write all of those thoughts out would have taken more energy than he was worth or that I wanted to exert.

So I took the simple approach.

Simplicity always works best....

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The OverDrawn Blues - Where Did My Money Go!?!?

I have never bounced a check in my life!

I have never been overdrawn in my life!

I have never had to borrow money to cover any debts in my life!

Until today......

I was leaving work and I wanted to know how much money was left in my account until Friday when I get paid. I received the automated message informing me that my account was currently overdrawn by 21.00 dollars...FUCK!

That just sucks - a transaction cleared that I totally forgot about.

I decided that I would just xfer money from my credit card to cover it but I get paid tomorrow at midnight and the problem will be solved. I will get hit with a damn overdraft fee...but oh well....such is life

FEES FUCKIN SUCK!

And now my perfect streak of never being overdrawn has come to an end....sigh

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

NARAL and Planned Parenthood - Let's Attack Everyone Regardless Of What They Actually Believe

I support a women's right to choose. I grew up in a house with my sister and my mother, both of whom stated they are against abortion for themselves but pro-choice for other women. I would not vote to deny a woman her right to choose what to do with her body...

But I have had it up to here with the NARAL and Planned Parenthood. They need some new direction and someone to actually head up their "Research Department". Wait...I forgot...They don't have a research department. If they did, then they would know who to attack politically and when to attack.

The NARAL and Planned Parenthood attacked Sandra Day O'Connor (PRO-CHOICE!), Anthony Kennedy (PRO-CHOICE!), and David Souter (PRO-CHOICE!). So these pro-choice organizations have a history of attacking pro-choice candidates.

So it's not a shock that they yet again are attacking Roberts, the latest nominee to the U.S. Supreme Court.

If these organizations want to attack people politically that is fine, but after a while it just begins to look like they are attacking everyone. It comes across as an attempt to influence by fear.

Ann Coulter said it best:

"It means absolutely nothing that NARAL and Planned Parenthood attack him: They also attacked Sandra Day O'Connor, Anthony Kennedy and David Hackett Souter.

The only way a Supreme Court nominee could win the approval of NARAL and Planned Parenthood would be to actually perform an abortion during his confirmation hearing, live, on camera, and preferably a partial-birth one."


It is possible that Roberts is pro-life and that would justify why these organizations are attacking him. That is part of their responsibilities...to promote their agenda of supporting a woman's right to choose. But their track records leaves one to wonder. I am not attacking what these organizations do. I just don't understand their methods....

P.S. - this post is in no way an endorsement of Ann Coulter :)

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Clean Sweep - Tossing Stuff At Will

Ok - so all of my furniture has been sold - presold that is!

So now I am going thru my apartment and cleaning out the rest of it!

I must be the KING of being able to go thru someplace and clean sweep the crap out of it. I am tossing stuff out at will!

Never will it be said that I will hold onto something without reason.

I cleaned out everything:

My old collection of books!

My OLD OLD OLD collection of clothes!

My "memories" box from college!

Other random crap that was sitting in my apartment.

All be told - so far I have thrown out 3 HUGE plastic bins of crap!

Technically it has been donated...but hell - some of that stuff was useless to donate - no poor person should be subjected to some of the stuff I was holding onto!

So on my trip to Atlanta all I will have is my clothes, my laptop, my pictures and other wall decorations, my smaller television, and my dishes....hmmm - yeah that about does it.....

Can you have a more fresh start than that!?!?!

I think not....

Sunday Morning Church - It's Been A While

I went to church this morning - yes...It had been a while since I had stepped foot in a church. I had decided last night that I would go this morning. I am not sure why I wanted to go, but I did. I set my alarm for 7:00 am b/c I had planned on going for a run beforehand.

My alarm went off...I turned it off, and I went back to bed. I woke up at 10:32 am. The church service started at 10:45 am. Part of me wanted to stay in bed and continue in my peaceful slumber. But I made myself get out of bed. I cleaned up..blah blah blah...everything you need to do in 5 minutes, and I was out the door.

I arrived 15 minutes late, but that is ok. I missed the "meet and greet" part where you introduce yourself to everyone around you...i hate that part b/c I hate introducing myself to strangers...I feel so uncomfortable.

So I enter the building and casually find my way to the backrow. You see attending a baptist church for part of college taught me well how to be a backrow baptist :-). Just kidding!

I enjoy the backrow of a church b/c it somehow seems more private. Just me and God and no one else around. I turned off my cell phone and I could finally relax. The choir was singing the song "Forever" and I joined right in.

I closed my eyes and it felt just like my church back in Waco during my college years. I was singing along when suddenly it happened...something that I had not done in years...not since my college days.

I cried at church...

Singing the song, eyes closed, tears came down my face, and I couldn't stop them. I actually didn't want to. It felt good to cry...

I wasn't crying because of guilt or depression or anything of the sort. I was crying because I miss God...

The tears weren't b/c I was conflicted about being gay, or felt guilty b/c of my "lifestyle"...it had nothing to do with me at all. It was simply that I missed his presence in my life...

Halfway through the service, this guy named Tommy came up to me and said hi. I had run into him at the Round Up one night several months ago. I was drunk and he was sober (as he always is). We talked for just a few moments about life and all that good stuff, and he invited me to church believe it or not. Tommy is quite possibly the most beautiful man I have met here in Dallas, so I did not go the first time he invited me b/c I somehow felt that was disrespectful to the Lord to go to church just to meet a hot guy...but I digress...

But back to the service this morning. Tommy said hi, gave me a hug, and said he would come and talk with me at the end of the service.

Just as they began taking communion I exited...

I did not stay and talk to Tommy. Part of me wanted to, but the other part did not.

Tommy is a great guy with an absolutely golden heart...

But this morning was about me and God...just the two of us.

Everytime I talk to Tommy I get distracted by his looks, his voice, his eyes, and that is what would have happened if I had talked to him after the service.

This morning was about my spiritual journey and on the journey this morning, I sat back and enjoyed the ride...i closed all the windows and locked the doors...no outside distractions were allowed...no matter how "hot" they were....

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Gay Haikus - Gay Life In Poetry

If you have not checked out this book then you need to - it is absolutely hilarious!

Below are a few examples of some of the haikus in his book! For those who don't know, a haiku is poetry with 3 lines - the first line has 5 syllables, the second line has 7 syllables, and the 3rd line has 5 syllables!

Enjoy!

He's gorgeous, witty
And stimulating. Please, God,
Let him be a top

Why is it you fuck
As hard and fast as you can?
I am not PlayStation.

Yes, this feels quite good.
Still, could you pick up the pace?
Golden Girls is on.

See the gay man in
His natural habitat:
Bed Bath & Beyond

Pride: Shirtless homos
As far as the eye can see.
My pectorals suck.

English has no words
For what we just did in bed.
Oh, wait: "Tedious"

I'm considering
Giving up casual sex.
I hate the subway.

Where are all these gays
Going this early? Oh, right:
Sale at IKEA.

My heart is broken.
Maybe he will change his mind
if I lose five pounds

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

It's A Moving Sale People - Going, Going, Gone!


All of my furniture is officially SOLD!

Yes - and I am excited!

I sold my bed for $300.00!

I sold my kitchen table for $150.00!

I sold my armoire for $150.00!

I sold a little chair of mine for $20.00!

I sold my computer desk for $50.00!

That is $670.00! Yes I could have gotten a little more but I was selling it to co-workers and friends.....and I HAD to get rid of it in two weeks or I would get nothing for it.

I am spending $950.00 to break my lease at my apt. complex. By selling this stuff for $670.00, I only have to dish out $280.00 to break my lease....

Phew! What a stress relief!

I will buy new stuff when I get to Atlanta b/c moving this stuff to Atlanta was just not feasible - U-haul is expensive and sucks!


I didn't wanna keep the stuff anyway - so I am glad I sold all of it!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

My Mariah Rant - My Fascination With My Hoochie-Mama

Anyone who knows me know that I was never a Mariah Carey fan.

But that has all changed. I did not know how talented she really was.

So yes another hole is punched on my gaycard......

Here is a run down on some interesting facts about Mariah's musical career!

* The only artist to have their first 5 singles hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100

* 16 #1 hits on Billboard (3rd behind the Beatles and Elvis)

* The longest running single on Billboard 100 (One Sweet Day - 16 weeks)

* The only artist to have 2 consecutive songs ("Fantasy" and "One Sweet Day") debut at #1 on Billboard 100 - she would have a 3rd #1 debut with the single "Honey" on her Butterfly album

* With U.S. sales of over 60 million albums and 24 million singles (as of April 2005) and Worldwide sales surpassing 200 million singles and albums, Mariah Carey is the Biggest selling Female Artist in Music History

* In 1999, Mariah was awarded the Billboard award for Artist of the Decade, crowning her as the biggest-selling artist of the 1990s.

* Mariah is the artist with the record for most consecutive years with a #1 single; she is the only artist to have a single reach #1 for every year of the 1990s.

* Mariah is the only artist to have every debut single from each album top the charts in the 90s. (Her run was broken in 2001 when (Click link for more info and facts about Loverboy) Loverboy peaked at #2.

* Mariah has the most (10) platinum singles in the US by a female artist.

* Mariah is the only female artist to have 9 consecutive albums RIAA- certified for at least 3 million copies sold.

* The Most widely heard song in history (We Belong Together - 212 million on 1 wk)

Obviously this is not an all-inclusive list - but it's a start to wet your appetite...

Running On An Ingrown Toenail - No Pain, No Gain

Workout Update

Ran 2 miles today - have lost 7 pounds since beginning the new workout program.

My goal weight by Atlanta is 175 pounds!

I should be able to make that easily....

So I will keep ya posted!

But damn - running on an ingrown toenail hurts like hell!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

The Round Up - And My Favorite Bartender...So Hot!

So I wanted everyone to see my bartender for the last several years at the Round Up.

I ONLY drink from his bar and I will truly miss him when I leave Dallas.

Isn't he HOT? I have had the priviledge of kissing this guy so many times. Awesome kisser!

I Saw My Ex Tonight - And I Was Devastated

I am sitting here at my computer. A mixture of sadness and anger fills me.

I saw my ex tonight - the one that I blogged about earlier. The one that made out with several guys in front of me. I saw him tonight at the Round Up, the local gay country bar. Was he really an Ex? Well that is debatable. To me he was b/c my feelings for him were so strong. I usually don't develop such strong feelings but I did. In any case......

I saw him and I was devastated.

I thought I was over him. I had not seen him since we had parted ways over a month ago. I saw him tonight and I immediately felt a sense of loss...a sense of wanting to be able to kiss him, to hold him, to be with him again. I found myself watching him in the bar...wanting to know where he was going and who he was talking to.

Now for anyone who knows me, they will tell you that this is NOT the usual me. I am usually not so attached to people. He was a special one. He got inside my heart for some unknown reason....and I wish he hadn't. It would have been easier.

I finally crossed paths with him and we hugged...it felt so good. We chatted...I told him I was moving to Atlanta. He stated that we needed to get together and have dinner before I left. He then went onto say that in addition to having dinner we needed to get drunk and take a taxi ride somewhere - either my place, his place, or a hotel room after dinner.

I was obviously confused.

"Aren't you dating someone?" I asked.

"Well I am talking to someone...but he doesn't want to commit right now." he responds.

My immediate thought is that "it serves you right you son of a bitch. You should have kept me because I would have committed to you and treated you better than he ever could have." But of course I didn't say that.

"Ahh...I see." Is all I can say in response.

I miss him....I really miss him.

He asks me to call him and I shy away. He asks me if I erased his phone number and I admit that I have. He tells that he doesn't blame me. He says that he will call me b/c he still has my phone number. He even pulls his phone out to show me but I push his phone away b/c I don't want to see my number still in his phone.

I don't want to know that he still has that connection to me b/c he really did hurt my heart.

He says that he will call me. I tell him that he should and that I will take him up on that taxi ride. We hug once more!

I don't know what I will do if he calls me. Will I answer? Will I have dinner with him? Will I go home with him?

I want to be with him so badly , but I know that it will only be bad news if I am.

I am moving to Atlanta. I don't want to be here in Dallas and I know I should not be with him. But sometimes, knowing something doesn't mean that you really want it.

I know I shouldn't be with him, but I want to.

I know he broke my heart, but I still want him.

Tonight I saw my ex - and I was devastated.....

Monday, August 01, 2005

A Frightening Spiritual Dream - Scared Shitless

I tried and tried to go to sleep....but I couldn't. I suffer from insomnia. There are times when it seems impossible for me to sleep.

So on this particular night i did not get to sleep until almost 2:00 am. During my short time under, I had the most horiffic dream I have had in forver.

Read below:

The dream begins with parts that I cannot really remember all that well...it involved angels, lesbians, bows & arrows, hunting, etc....

hmmmm - wish I could remember more but it comes in flashes....and it must have been one fucked up dream if it involved all that shit...

The next part is the part I remember vividly.

I am standing in an elevator/storeroom. All I know is that it is a small enclosed space with four solid walls and a door in front of me. I am pushing against the door trying to get it closed desparately in an attempt to keep something out that was pushing on the other side. There is a girl on her knees, curled up in a ball crying next to me. I am screaming at her at the top of my lungs to renounce Satan and all his lies. I am also yelling at her to push on the door to get it shut. She does not move.

To my left there is a wall that turns into an eye that starts blinking and looking at me. Again, I shout at this girl to renounce and turn to God.

End Scene. Then the dream suddenly switches....

Then suddenly I am running along a trail that is similar to the running trail at my current apartment complex. I pass by a yard of this house and see two women standing in the front yard. One of the women is a girl I went to college with.

As I pass by, I wave and then continue on. A few hundred feet past her house, I feel someone behind me. You know that feeling you get when you know someone is behind you even though you dont hear anyone.

I turn around and see this hooded figure in all black half running/half floating towards me and gaining on me. Now I am running pretty damn fast in my dream and that "something" caught up with me pretty quick. As I am running it comes along side me and is yelling something at me in a language I cannot understand. It grabs both of my shoulders in the dream.

At that moment I hear the alarm clock of my cell phone going off but I am still not out of the dream. It is as if both worlds (reality and dreamland) have crossed for a few seconds. At the same moment, I can actually hear my own self trying to scream in reality even though my mind is still in the dream. I finally wake up and throw myself backwards to get out "its" grasp and I slam into the wall.

Needless to say I could not fall back asleep.

What is even funnier - is that my cell phone showed a time of 5:00 am.

I checked the alarm...

It was set for 6:00....!!!

Workout Program - Update - First Day

Push Ups - 50

Sit Ups - 100

Protein Shakes - 1

Miles Run - 2

Calling All Bloggers, AGAIN! - Sam's Link Has Changed, AGAIN!

Ok...not to sound like a broken record...but

Sam's link has now changed back to the original

Sammc.blogspot.com

A Deeper Look - Excerpts From My Journal