My So Called Life - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Embrace life -- both the sweet days and the bitter...embrace the joy and the sadness...the successes and the defeats -- for all of these things, both good and bad, have made you who you are.

Friday, August 19, 2005

The Flakiness of Men - The Simple Solution

I know this guy here in Dallas. I have actually known him for several years. The first time we met, we actually met off of the internet. We went out for a movie and hung out at his apartment. It was pretty innocent. I had a good time and we scheduled another date. Well we never really had that second date...instead I just ended up spending the night at his apartment. Nothing happened between us. It was merely sleeping...That was the last time during this initial phase that we hung out.

I called him a few times and he never returned any of my calls. I let it drop after a couple weeks and I moved on with my life...

Fast forward about 7 - 8 months - maybe even a year....these time frame estimates are rough.

I am online one night when this screenname pops up and I recognize it but I do not recall who actually belongs to this screenname. He tells me who it is, and I am like..."howdy"....we exchange pleasantries and decide to have lunch. He apologizes online for vanishing...he says that he had started dating this guy right around the time that we were hanging out so he just cut everyone off.....

Hmmm - How nice is that???

So lunch goes well...he calls me a few days later and he reaches my voicemail.

I of course don't call him back because I don't know if I even want to start hanging out with him again.

A few weeks pass and I call him back....

No call back.

I wait a week and call him a second time....

No call back.

Yet again I move on....not even giving him another thought.

Fast forward several more months - maybe even exactly another 8 months or so.

I am online and guess who should appear but this guy yet again. We talk and I am so not interested this time that I barely respond. I am not rude but keep my distance online. We chat and he says that if I want to we should hang out. He says he still has my number and that we should hang out. I tell him that I wouldnt mind it, but it would just be as friends. He says ok. He emails me that same night and we sign off.

I call him the next week.

No call back.

I wait a few days and give him one more try...

No call back.

Again I move on with my life :-)

Well that was probably 4 months ago and guess who showed up online today.

LOL - ha ha - you are right. Mr. Flakey himself. He asks if I still live in my current apartment and I say yes. He asks if i would like to go out on a date.

I responded very simply as follows:

"No. I called you last time we talked and yet again you did not call me back."

Now for those who know me, you might say "wow..that was a very tame response."

Yes - you would be right. I could have gone off on him and trust me, I had some thoughts going through my mind that were Oscar-worthy. But what would that have done.

That would have overstated his importance AND my level of interest. Truth is I had no interest in even talking to him, so to write all of those thoughts out would have taken more energy than he was worth or that I wanted to exert.

So I took the simple approach.

Simplicity always works best....


  • At 4:40 PM, Blogger BRETTCAJUN said…

    I can't stand the fucking PLAYERS in the gay world. Now, I cut them off after TWO disappointments. I am surprised you kept giving him so many second chances. I guess at 35 years old, I have zero tolerance for broken promises.

  • At 4:45 PM, Blogger Sangroncito said…

    You two are the proverbial ships passing in the night. I think his ship sunk.

  • At 4:51 PM, Blogger Matthew said…

    Ha Ha - Well I only gave him two times in reference to dating -

    the 3rd chance was just as friends who might hang out every now and then - i didn't waste much emotionally energy on me...

  • At 12:41 AM, Blogger purpletwinkie said…

    "The Flakiness of Men"

    I find men to be terribly flaky, and just like apple pie, they taste good warm.


  • At 9:21 AM, Blogger Jim said…

    Ah, knowing where to invest your time and energy is a good skill for a streamlined life.

    You are right on target, Matt.

  • At 10:42 AM, Anonymous Brad said…

    Hmmm, very proud of you for keeping your cool Matt, I knew you had it in you. As far as men being flakes, it depeds where they are in life when you meet them, Some, like some of our "friends" will never change, ever, they are who they will always be, others I see change, some good some bad, but at some point everyone becomes who they will be for the rest of there life, we just need to try and mold them into good people while they are still receptive, just my speech for today. =)

  • At 10:11 PM, Blogger She Devil In High Heels said…

    Everyone does it baby! If you dont fuck on the first date or after a couple of meetings..well you know..its O.V.E.R.!!!

    ...surely no spark existed on one side...maybe his? You prob new this but chose to ignore your gut instinct..never try to understand gay men but instead accept, learn and look forward to the next!!

    love shedevil...x

    ps are gorge btw


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