My So Called Life - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Embrace life -- both the sweet days and the bitter...embrace the joy and the sadness...the successes and the defeats -- for all of these things, both good and bad, have made you who you are.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Online Dating...Successful? - Survey Says...

Online dating...its an absolutely interesting concept begun in my lifetime. What an amazing thing that we actually develop relationships first online and then meet in person. I was at a local coffee shop the other night thinking abot whether or not this form of dating or rather searching actually works.

I thought back about all the dates I have had over the years and there have been many...I thought about all the disturbing encounter I have had....then I thought about all the awkard situtations I found myself in...then I remember some of the amazingly nice people I met... However..in truth..in my honest opinion..to this point in my life this form of "dating" has not worked.

However it cannot really be looked at in such simplistic terms. Online dating is not the answer to someone not having a relationship. It is simply another avenue for someone to continue the pursuit of a relationship. Just like many people congregate in bars, or scope out the "possibilities" in the local produce aisle...

I asked several of the people in my life what they thought of this....many of their responses were on the negative side...meeting on the internet seemed "shady" or "scary"....I do not really view it that way, but I have moved way beyond the initial excitement of being able to meet someone on the net.

It is just as hard as meeting someone in a bar though...many times even harder because online you have absolutely no ability to "see" (so to speak) the real personyou are talking to. You see a picture if you are lucky and read what they type....

I also think that many times it definitely depends on the intentions of the person doing the searching. If you are looking for sex, you will be HIGHLY successful (at least in the gay world)...if you are looking for friends, you will be somewhat successful. If you are looking for a relationship, well....all I can say is good luck.

I mean anything is possible though...and even though my own personal survey of experiences gives the net a negative score on the relationship side...my survey does have a margin of error when applied to other people's lives...

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Calling For The Money - My Sister Finally Contacts Me!

So I have called my sister about 4 - 5 times over the past 5 - 6 weeks. I have attempted to contact her at her home number. Problem is that she has privacy director which does not allow me to reach her voicemail...so each time I call her home number it disconnects me. She also has a cell # which I have called and left multiple messages over the past weeks as well. All told I probably tried to reach my sister by telephone approximately 10 times...at least. That does not even include the 3 times I talk to my parents per week and tell them each time to tell my sister I said hi and to have her call me.

You see my siblings and I have never been that close. Growing up we did not hang out much or do many things together. We were distant and nothing has changed that much over the years.

I think over the past 3 years I have spoken to my sister on the phone less than 5 times and my brother only 2 times at best. I have not seen my brother in several years and before that it was at least 3 years. My brother has a valid reason why I don't see him...he is in the navy afterall...so that does make it very difficult. But still this is the technology age of instant message, email, and cell phones. You would think that as siblings, we could talk and keep up. But we don't.

So around the beginning of the year I decided to change. I started asking more about my brother and sister and trying to contact them more. Particularly my sister since she is closest to my parents as well.

So yeah...needless to say I have been trying to start keeping up with my brother and sister more...they are after all my direct blood relatives...it could be a good thing to know what is going on in their lives.

I can understand why my brother does not call as much...many times he is physically not able to...so I can cut him some slack...My sister has no excuse.

I mean I realize that she has 3 kids...only 2 live with her and one of them is in school. She stays at home and does not work...obviously raising her kids is her job and she is a good mom...but damnit I am her brother and if I try and call and reach out to you, it would be nice if you could take 5 minutes and call me back.

For the first time in my life, I want to talk to my sister to find out about my nieces and nephews and see how she is doing...

So yesterday I check my email and I get an email from my sister...she says she has been busy and to remember that I promised to contribute to my niece's camping trip or something like that...she said the money is due soon so I need to remember that I promised to contribute.

Today I get a voicemail saying she has been busy and restating her email.

I must say I am a little bit pissed off....there was no talk of interest as to my life, my job, or anything....it was just an "I've been busy" and "I need your money".

It comes off as a very lame attempt to reach out and touch my wallet rather than reaching out to touch me by telephone...

But of course I will give it b/c its my niece and I love her more than life itself. I love all my nieces and nephews...they are wonderful kids... I don't tell them enough but I miss them when I don't see them.

I understand my sister is busy with a family and kids and such...but still....she obviously has come down with a case of seriously bad timing...Perhaps I need to give her time to get to the same place I am at...we have been so distant for so long that maybe she needs time to catch up....but she is my sister and I am always for her...I love my sister...

I am at a point in my life where I can honestly say it and mean it...took me a while to get there...but I am glad I arrived...

Another Blog Transition In Progress - Read On!

Yeah I had a bad day....a bad week...a bad couple of weeks...I just don't talk about it much on this blog...this blog has tended to be more about my thoughts concerning general nebulous issues...things I heard about on the news...or social issues and ideas...very rarely has it centered around my life...

If you recall on July 21, 2005, made an entry that told everyone that a blog transition was in progress...in the entries that followed I opened up about my past and my history regarding religion and coming out as gay...

Well I think its time again...to open up and let people in a little more...thus the sounding goes out that another blog transition is in progress...there will be stories of my life, my history, my family, my good times and bad...even my ugly times when I behave like an absolute bastard....but that will be the real me...the good, the bad, the ugly...that is the title of my blog after all.

So bear with me as you did before and you will learn a lot about me, my life and what makes me tick...hope you enjoy the ride

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Number Given - Never Answered

I knew this guy back in Dallas....he had recetly broken up with his boyfriend and was having a hard go of it in life...we hung out one time and had coffee...it was a good time...there was going to be no dating because he had just broken up with his boyfriend and I don't think he was interested in me as a potential dating partner.

As the weeks, months passed we became a little better friends...talked on the phone I even help him get an interview at my place of business...he did not get the job...but still...things continued..

Then I moved to Atlanta...and we lost touch....

He told me he was thinking about moving away from Dallas and mentioned Atlanta but I never took him that seriously...

Well three weeks ago, I was at my gym working out when he showed up and walked right in. He walked over and said he had moved to Atlanta in January...We caught up briefly and I learned he was working as a bartender at a local bar...

Being in the middle of my workout, the conversation was pretty short...but right before he walked off he said "Let me put my number in your phone..."

I replied of course b/c he was such a nice guy and a very cute one at that...I told him i would call him....and we parted ways..

Well - almost 3 weeks later and several messages left and no response from my friend from Dallas...no response at all...no text and no phone call back

If he calls, then great..if not then that is ok too...who knows...maybe he is busy or whatever...

I am not bitter against him..lol...to be honest I had not thought of him before three weeks ago...but it just confuses me....why would you offer your number to someone and then never call back..

Seems kind of strange to me...

Dinner, Drinks, and Weirdness - Another Saturday Night

Do you ever have that experience with someone at a bar that totally changes your opinion of them? Last night I had such an experience. This guy that I have known for a couple of months was there with his friends. I have hung out him many times and had drinks with him at a local bar...very nice guy...

Well last night on our way in, I waived hi to him and called out his name to say hey...he seemed to place his head down and ignore me...I blew it off and then walked in with our friends to get a drink.

Later on in the night, he walked past us again and I said hey again to him. He didn't even look up as he mumbled hi and walked past us at a fast pace. Even my roommate noticed it and was like "what is he pissed off for". I had no idea....

I thought that maybe this guy was on a mission to get drinks or something but he went to stand in the bathroom line about 4 feet from us...and yet he still could not say hi or respond...

Outside I was upset b/c I felt he was acting like a jerk but inside I was wondering if I had inadvertently done something to irritate him. I still don't know.

His personality is very sarcastic and very biting...towards people at his work and even people in general so I knew that he would not respond well if I brought it up...I knew he would blow it off with some sarcastic remark...which he did...

I sent him a text message (yeah - I prob should have called him but I was kind of upset)...and I asked him if I had pissed him off.....he responded by saying no...and what would give me that impression...again I responded by saying he ignored me all night and even my friends noticed....he replied that my friends had too much time on their hands....to which I replied I see I have my question answered..see ya....

There were some other things that went on that were irritating too...such as he and his group of friends were sitting at the table next to us on the patio at the bar and kept purposely bouncing up and down on their stool which was connected to our table to..this caused our stool to bounce up and our drinks would spill and all that shit...they could have cared less and acted like jerks about it...not cute...

So anyway...I still don't know what to think....I mean if I look back it was kind of one way in terms of us hanging out when we did...he never called me...he never texted me...I usually always texted him to say hi and see how he was doing...

When we did hang out in the past, he was always very generous to offer drinks, etc...which confuses me all the more why he acted the way he did last night...

Oh well...as of this point, I don't see us hanging out again...It appears to be pretty much dead...I will still think of him as a nice guy...

But as my roommate said...friendships are built over months and years...but can be destroyed in a matter of seconds...

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Rejection - The Mother Of All Bitterness

So I set the record for the shortest "date" day before yesterday in the history of my dating life. The date lasted all of 40 minutes. I arrived promptly at 7:00 at the local coffee shop and was back in my car on my way home at 7:40 pm. In between was 40 minutes of awkwardness and forced coversation.

I could not tell you why there was no chemistry...its one of those mysteries of nature that will never be solved. Things went well when we talked on the phone, but it was awkward from the first moment in person.

Every topic of conversation seemed forced and nothing flowed well...

He was a nice guy...there can be no doubt about that...

Now even though the title of this is post is Rejection - The Mother Of All Bitterness, that does not imply that this was anything but a mutual rejection. Neither of us wanted to the torture to continue...

But still - deep inside - there is a little part of me..that feels that...even though I did not want him, he should have wanted me...

Wow...have I become arrogant? I don't think so...

I simply think that people dont like being rejected in any shape or form...and...

We especially hate being rejected by those who we ourselves would normally reject.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Who Stole Who's Trademark - Beware Scottie and Brett!

On the podcast posted on Brett Cajun's blog (see link right) it was recently stated that Scottie thinks I stole their tag line "The Good, The Bad, The Ugly".

Let the Record State:

This tag line has been mine since March 2005 when I began my blog!

Don't go throwing round accusations Scottie....."The Ugly" is in the title for a very good reason!

He He - love you guys!

Global Survey Says Men More Satisfied During Sex Than Women - Ummm.....DUH!

Did we really need a survey to tell us this...havent women been screaming about having to fake it forever and a day...It's one of those surveys that you just have to think....geez how shocking....any woman could have told you that...Almost every time if not every time a man has sex he pretty much knows to expect an orgasm...Unfortunately women are not able to always say that.

I would say more but just click on the link below to check out the story...


Global Sex Survey

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Seeing Happiness Makes Me Happy - What A Great Sight

I had coffee this morning with a friend that I had not seen in many months...I was not feeling all too well and called into work but decided to meet up with this person b/c it had been so long since we had connected.

He has been dating this guy for the last 6 months and he was totally smitten with this guy...it showed in his eyes, everything he said...even when he said his name. It was so refreshing to see a guy totally into another guy with no pretense or desire for anything more than to just love that guy.

Seeing how happy my friend was made me happy...it was not a jealousy...it was true happiness...

I hope that one day I can be as happy as my friend was this morning...hell maybe fate will smile on me and I will be even happier...

Monday, April 17, 2006

What Else Will Preachers Say In The Name Of God - Be Afraid...Be Very Afraid

If you have followed my blog at all, then you know that I did not grow up in the church but rather chose to follow Christ in college of my own volition and desire...it was not out of an emotional experience or the persuasion of another person...the decision was made by me alone in my dorm room at Baylor...

I have since left the church but not left God...and one of the reasons why I have left the church is because of the pure stupidity being preached from the pulpit.

I live in Atlanta now and recently there was a gathering in Norcross, Georgia where the Reverend Lou Sheldon and the "Apostle" Jamie Pleasant held a conference petitioning black churches to stand against gay rights.

Apart from the pure stupidity and treating of group of people as second class citizens, lets look at the pure brilliance of these two so called apostles of God.

Below is the first piece of brilliance uttered at the conference:

Reverend Lou Sheldon says:

"Preachers never lie."

That was the simple sentence he began the conference with. Now I find it hard to believe that preachers never lie b/c I have been to many churches ad heard conflicting stories on what is and what is not sin...so...if the TRUTH is ABSOLUTE there can only be one valid version...and if two preachers are giving opposite sermons then one of them is lying b/c the truth of the bible is absolute leaving no room for two different interpretations...I humbly submit that Preacher Sheldon is quite possibly the most self praising, self righteous man out there...preachers never lie my ASS...

Do the names Robert Tilton, Jimmy Swaggart, and Jim Bakker ring a bell....gawd!

Now lets look at the second piece of brilliance spouted off at this conference:

"Apostle" Jamie Pleasant says:

"The marital duty is not being fulfilled. Why are we with you women? Just think about it. We have a strong sex drive. You need to do your part and keep the marriage bed pure. Whenever your husband wants sex it is your duty to say yes."

Now remember he said this in context of placing the blame for why HIV infection is rising among African Americans and an increase in the number of "down-low" African American men who hide their gay escapades..

What an absolute load of bullshit - I wonder if a single black woman at the conference actually stood up and clapped at that statement...or hell even nodded in agreement....shit..i wonder if there was a single black women who didn't wanna beat the shit out of that "apostle".

It would be too much for Apostle Pleasant as a black man to actually ask the so called "down-low" men to actually BE MEN and accept responsibility for their frivolous actions...but instead he chicken shits out and actually blames their wives.

Is this really the kind of teaching that we need in the christian church about women:

1.) Preachers never lie so if you don't believe them you are damned
2.) If your husband cheats, it is your fault
3.) If your husband gets HIV, it is your fault for not giving him enough sex
4.) If your husband gives your HIV, it is still your fault ladies - see reason 3
5.) Basically any sexual problem stems back to women not giving it up enough to their husbands...

That is the teaching that stands out at this conference and only serves to reinforce that some in the church still do not understand the idea of personal accountability for your own actions...

My question to the apostle would be this...who is to blame for the "down-low" men who are single but "straight" - is their a bank account where they can deposit their responsibility and when they marry, withdraw it and give it to their wives...its like a get out hell free card that you can pass onto their future wife..do not pass go, do not collect anything...just straight to hell...

The Polite Lie - We Have All Done It

Ok...I know that we have all been guilty of this at some point in our lives...

You know the story - a really cute stranger in a coffee shop or store thinks that they recognize you from some place and they say something about it...

Cute Stranger: "Say...you just got your haircut didn't you?"

Me: "Yeah..i did..." (flat out lie)

Cute Stranger: "It looks good.." (He politely walks away...)

Me: "Thanks..."

Now...sometimes these interactions may be a not so skillfully disguised attempt by the cute stranger to approach you and just talk to you....

But mine today was no such attempt...he didnt even try to hang around and talk..he simply paid me the compliment and walked away...

And I did not have the heart to tell him that he had mistaken

So I took the misplaced compliment and smiled...

I mean after all...he said my hair looked good and with or without a haircut I must admit...I agree with him...my hair does look good...

I Am Back Up And Running - I Received My Computer

Hey There!

Is everyone still out there - I know I have been gone for a while but I broke down and ordered a new kick ass laptop...

I will be up and blogging like never before

So hit me up and let me know my readers are still out there....

Sigh - I hope ya stayed with me

Saturday, April 15, 2006

New Computer Is On Its Way - Finally!

I have purchased a new laptop so my vacation from blogging will be over this coming week...

Thank God!

Oh by the way - i have lost 13 pounds...gettin in shape for summer -

Yee Haw!!!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Immigration - A Touchy Subject!

So what is the answer to this problem of illegal immigration? I certainly have no idea. I do not believe that the U.S. government should begin a policy of shipping all illegal immigrants back to their countries of origin no questions asked. That would not make sense for them or for our country. If some of the laws in our nation were not so lax than illegal immigrants would not make up 10 - 15% of some of the industries in Georgia alone, let alone what percentages that constitute around the nation.

I also do not believe that the laws that are in place in the nation for LEGAL immigration should be brushed aside simply because the protests are taking place. So as I said it is a touchy issue.

How would it feel for the immigrants who came to this country legally, waited for hours, days, months, or even years to get the OK to legally settle here...only to see thousands and potentially millions of illegal immigrants scuttle their way around the system? How would I feel as an immigrant? Would I feel cheated? Would I feel like I was punished for doing everything the legal and right way?

I don't know..I was lucky..I was born in the United States of America and I am always so grateful for that fact. I love the United States with all of its flaws...I see in this nation the same hope that many of these immigrants see..both legal and illegal.

One thing I know for sure is this:

I am sure President George W. Bush will screw this one up like he did Katrina, Iraq, the budget deficit, European relations, and any other major encounter he has had during his presidency.

I want the best for our nation...but just like many other things in this nation, the lines between what is right, what is needed, and what is possible sometimes gets blurred...