My So Called Life - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Embrace life -- both the sweet days and the bitter...embrace the joy and the sadness...the successes and the defeats -- for all of these things, both good and bad, have made you who you are.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Moaning And Groaning - What A Crazy Morning!

I thought it would be like any other morning. I woke up at 6:15 am. I showered, shaved and ironed my pants. Then suddenly at 6:50 am I started hearing noise from outside. Then it got louder. It was moaning. It was loud moaning...and groaning and heavy breathing. At first I thought it was my neighbors upstairs having a lot of fun.

But it was something all too strange.

I opened up the front door a little and peeked outside...after all I did not know who or what was actually out there. I did not see anyone so I walked outside...the whole time I was hearing this moaning and groaning. Only now I heard slapping sounds. I was like..dang someone is having a whole lot of fun.

I looked about 15 - 20 feet away and I saw a figure through some bushes. I had found the source of the noise. I thought I heard two voices and was like...damn...two guys going at it in the early morning right outside...they are brave.

But then I looked closer...

I only saw 1 pair of legs....but how could that be. I walked closer and it was true...there was a lot of groaning...a lot of moaning...a lot of heavy breathing..but only 1 man.

One guy was making all this noise himself. I walked around the front of my apartment complex and saw the guy in full view...in his grayish blue speedo...the image has been burned into my eyes...ugh..ugh..

He was leaning up against the fence and slapping himself...and making all the noise at the same time...I don't know what he was on but he was having himself a grand old time.

Soon after that the firetruck, ambulance, and cop car arrived. He was hauled away and so ended the morning of the random groaner and moaner...

Oh the gay ghetto...gotta love it....

Thursday, August 24, 2006

What Is Up With Me Lately - Not My Normal Self

I do not know what has been up with me lately. I have been incredibly down in the dumps and I am not totally sure why. I do make an effort throughout my day to stay positive and look at the bright side of things, but as of late it has been incredibly difficult to do.

Work is not the problem at all. Work has not been a source of stress for me for a few months now. It is actually refreshing. I could go on and on about how people amaze me with how petty and rude they are capable of being, but that would not help the situation.

I think even though my job is not stressful, I am not sure I feel fulfilled at my job. I know that I am damn good at my job...but being good at something does not necessarily mean that you are fulfilled in doing it. I do not know what I would want to do besides my current job. I enjoy many aspescts of it...oh well

Part of it is that I have this itch to start dating again. I do not mean dating around wtih lots of guys on tons of first dates. I mean finding that one guy that I seem to have a connection with and running with it to see if something can grow out of it. I have been single for years now and I am ready to jump back in the saddle...so to speak..

I guess part of it is the situation with my friendships. The one solid friendship I have right now in Atlanta is my roommate Sam. We have been through so much together that I could not imagine my life without his friendship. He and I talked the other night about that and we both understand there may come a day when we are not in each others lives...I can honestly say that would sadden me in ways I could not express in words.

But apart from Sam...there is no one here in Georgia...my two other closest friends are in Texas and Colorado...I just had this image that after being in Atlanta for at least a year I would have some solid friends...ya know...I have some friends here it is true...but I guess I imagined something deeper than what I have. I am sure some of them will probably read this blog. And it is my desire that they not be offended at what I am saying. I enjoy hanging out with everyone I know here in Georgia...I guess it is not that I do not have any friends...it is more that I expected more out of this city after 1 year...

I have no plans to leave Atlanta...despite it all I love this city...I enjoy the office I work in...and the people I do know are quality...

Ya know...now that I think about it...I think that I am my own worst enemy...I think I keep people from getting too close to me...I limit what people know about me...I only let people in so far before I close the door. That is my own fault

So I guess part of the problem is me...I think I will make a more concerted effort to be more transparent. To let others in more into my life. I think that would help how I feel about my friendships and my life. After all...every dark cloud has a silver lining.

Thought On My Mind As Of Late - Dating Is Hard

Every guy I seem to meet here in Atlanta either does not want to date me or meets me and never calls back....hmmmm...the only common denominator is me...

short and sweet and to the point...

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Not All Conservatives Are Bad - Even If It Sometimes Seem Like They Are

I have a friend who is gay, out, and proud...he is also a conservative Republican. While that may seem ironic and contradictory to many...I can somewhat understand how a gay man could be a conservative Republican. Well at least I used to...I used to be Republican and even defended the President on many issues. Now however, I sing a different tune. Just like I evolve as a person in my own self, my political beliefs changed over time as well.

One of my best friends works for the Log Cabin Republicans doing canvassing for them in an effort to pass pro-gay legislation. I have some personal knowledge of out gay people who also find a place within the Republican party. I also know that their loyalty to the Republican way of thinking goes beyond the simple "gay" question. There are other factors to consider...i.e...national security, foreign policy, fiscal responsibility, healthcare, education..etc...political affiliation is not made or broken on the gay issue. For many it is...for some it is not.

But I digress. This friend I have that I referenced in the first sentence recently made some comments that shocked and dismayed me. We were discussing the current situation in the middle east with Israel and Hezbollah and just the situation with "Terror" in general.

He was saying something than just looked at all of us and said "I think we should just take a bomb and blast them all off the face of the earth. Every last Arab! I don't mind them searching and detaining every Arab or Muslim at an airport!" He went on and on speaking with such tone and language. What shocked me was that he was absolutely serious.

I told that he was speaking with such a broad stroke of racism and generalizations and stereotypes it was coming off as pure ignorance. I do not think I could ever advocate the destruction of an entire group of people. I think such advocates need only look at history to see the error of that way of thinking.

I would not necessarily describe myself as Pro Arab or Pro Israeli. I am Pro Peace more than anything. I think Israel has the right to defend itself against a terrorist organization that attacks its sovereign soil. But I look beyond the actual violence to the suffering of the people. People have suffered on both sides..both Israeli and Arab. This dispute goes far back before the State of Israel was created in 1948 and the war for Israeli Independence was ended with cease fires in 1949. It is a dispute based on religious grounds that has passions on both sides ignited.

So my friend just responded by stating that he did not care how it sounded but he would be ok with it anyway. Sometimes it seems that my conservative friends find it easier to make those comments. I don't understand how such ideas can come forth from him. I wonder what he thinks about those conservatives of the religious right who basically espouse the same beliefs about gays.

What would he think of do if the religious right started making comments that every gay person should be eliminated. Oh wait...many of them already have...

Like I said...not all conservatives are bad..even if it sometimes seems like they are...and for that matter..not all Arabs or Muslims are bad...all situations should be viewed with both sides in mind...this does not mean a person is anti american or weak on national security...it simply means they are informed...

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

How Late Is Too Late - Whining At Blockbuster

I was in Blockbuster earlier this week...I had just walked through the door when a gentleman approached the check out stand. He had a movie in his hand. I usually do not try to eavesdrop on other conversations but I could not help but here this one as he was talking kind of loud.

He was asking if there was a way that he could return a movie that he had held in his possession for 40 days. The clerk at the desk was telling him the policy and the customer was pleading and getting louder. Finally I assumed he asked for a manager or for someone who was not in at the time. They gave him the time she would be there the next day and he walked out.

Now I would not say that this person was unruly at all. He was a little loud and a little pushy with the clerk but overall not a very difficult customer.

The thing that annoys me is how long he argued with the clerk over the policy. I guess the argument can be made that if you don't ask, you never know what they will say. But the policy is very clear.

There are no more late fees. You have one week rentals or 2 day rentals depending on whether the movie is a new release and a one week grace period. After that you are charged for the cost of the movie and as long as you return it before 30 days you will be refunded the cost minus a restocking fee.

This man kept the video for 40 days...come on dude...get a life and move on!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I'll Be - A Message To My Future Husband

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

Chorus:
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love suicide
and I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above

Repeat Chorus

I've been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, Remembered the things that you said

--Lyrics by Edwin McCain

Sunday, August 13, 2006

A Working Weekend - Sometimes Necessary

I spent all weekend doing work. I was at Starbucks Friday night, all day Saturday and all day Sunday. But it was not a bad thing at all. I was doing file reviews for my job for the first two months of the year.

I reviewed hundreds and hundreds of files...wow! Needless to say I am exhausted.

Now not to make it seem like more than it is...I was not reviewing every aspect of the file but rather certain parts of the file to make sure the information entered was correct.

But I dont care how much of a file you are reviewing...when you review 566 of them, you get tired, bored and just plain wore out.

But the awesome thing is that the review turned out some awesome results that I am excited to tell my immediate supervisor about on Monday.

The not so exciting thing...I still have March - June to review...LOL

Hope you all had a great weekend.

Here's to breaking through at work...

Monday, August 07, 2006

Getting Back To The Basics Of Fun - A Day At The Park!

So yesterday I went to the park with a friend to throw around the frisbee. I almost did not go, but I was so glad I did. I had so much fun. I had forgotten what it was like to just go outside and enjoy life. To have simple fun for a change.

I sweated my ass off and ran it off too lol...but I had a blast. Well actually my friend ran more than I did. I didn't have as good of aim as he did so he had to run a lot to catch my throws...but it was still fun. I laughed and smiled so much. It was refreshing and unexpected. It showed me that sometimes the simple things in life can be so rewarding and fun.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

What Have You Done Today To Make Yourself Proud? - A Great Question!

>I have never been a big fan of Queer As Folk...actually it is not that I am not a big fan...it is more that I have never really watched it so I did not know anything about the storylines...well my roommate is a huge fan...he basically rented the entire series from Blockbuster...so I have now seen most of the episodes...including the finale.

During the finale, a song is played by Heather Small called Proud. I have never been much into the dance scene so not suprisingly I had never heard the song before...but the song poses the interesting question of "What have you done today to make yourself proud?"

I downloaded the song and listened to it over and over again. I was caught up in the dance beats, the rhythm, the sudden urge it created to jump and dance and lose yourself in the moment. It was awesome. Then I listened to the words and I really began to love the song.

It is a song that makes you happy...a song that makes you want to lose yourself in all the good things you have ever been able to accomplish in your life...a song that just makes your soul scream and want to break loose.

Taken to a deeper level, the song begs the question that we should ask ourselves on a daily basis...are we able to look back at each day and see something that we are proud of...something that we did or something that happened during that day that made that our lives better....that made us better people...

I think I will try and start lookin at my life and trying to see those things that make me proud to be who I am...I am already proud of the person I have become..but I think I and everyone for that matter should be on a mission of constant improvement...to be the best people we can be...

So tomorrow try and find something that makes you proud...and celebrate that fact and then celebrate who you are...celebrate everything about you...always be proud of who you are...for God...or destiny..or whatever you believe...the one who is greater than all of use made no mistakes...

Below is the video - it is the video of the original version which is just as good - I listened to the remix version but the version below is just as good.