My So Called Life - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Embrace life -- both the sweet days and the bitter...embrace the joy and the sadness...the successes and the defeats -- for all of these things, both good and bad, have made you who you are.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Texting When They Said They Would Call - A Bad Sign?

So yeah I am no longer seeing the guy I was seeing for the past few weeks. I developed a crush on him. It was the first time in almost 3 or so years that I had that giddy feeling when you really click with someone. It caught me by surprise and I was not expecting it. A big part of me was very excited b/c it had been so long since I had met someone who gave me that feeling.

Then last night happened. The guy sent me a text message asking me if I was coming out to the Round Up (a local gay bar here in Dallas). I called him back and said I was coming out. He told me where he would be in the bar so I headed out. I got there and he gave me a kiss and a big hug and introduced me to his friends.

I got the impression that one of his friends did not like me b/c I was there with this guy. Well skipping all the dramatic details...the evening can be summarized in one sentence.

The guy I was seeing and invited me out to the Round Up basically made out with this other guy throughout the night in front of me.

When I saw it, my jaw dropped, my heart dropped, and my stomach got the gut wrenching pain in it. The kind of pain that makes you want to run out of the room. That is when I knew I was WAY too attached and I needed to back off.

In this guy's defense, we are not dating exclusively and we are not boyfriends so he is free to do whatever he wants...BUT when you invite the guy you are dating out to a bar, it is OBVIOUS common courtesy not to make out with another guy right in front of him.

After watching him do this I walked up to him and said I was going to jet. He said "awe.."...yeah sure he was sad. He told me he would call me in the am and we could spend the day together and then go to this party later that night for the 4th of July. my mind I was already formulating my exit strategy to avoid the party. It was originally suppposed to be a date that he and I were going to go on...then he changed it to a party with all his friends.

Well..the next morning I dreaded his call b/c I am honest to a fault...if he called I would drop it all and lay it all out on the line. In my mind it was over the moment he flaunted those other guys in my face. He didnt technically do anything wrong since we are not committed, but it was very disrespectful to me at least.

Well his call did not come in the morning. Instead I get a text message at 2:51 pm. The party was slated to start at 4:00 pm.

He wrote..."Hey, do you still want to go that party?"

I responded..."Nah - I think I will pass bud."

He wrote..."Awe why? Are you sure?"

I responded..."Yes - have fun bubba."

That told me enough. Why did he not call me? Why did he text message me instead? If he truly wanted to hang out with me today, the moment he got the message saying I was skipping his party, he should have called me. I know I would have called if it had been me! Especially if the guy I was into was backing out of a 4th of July party!

My friends who know me....know that I believe the following:

When you text someone, it is usually b/c you dont want to have a drawn out simply have one question to be answered or want to say hi.

Either he didnt want to talk to me b/c he felt guilty or he didnt really wanna talk to me at all. Both of these are unnacceptable.

I am sure that I am reading too much into it...but...its ok.

In the end, part of the fault lies with me. I allowed myself to fall too quickly and develop an emotional attachment before one was warranted.

But that is live and you learn...and even now part of me wants to go to the party to hang out with him b/c he was the "possibility of a relationship". And even though I am perfectly fine being single (have been so for 5 years), when you truly long for a relationship, it is hard to give up a "possibility."

But the right thing is to send him on his way...

As my friend Sam said..."He is just not the one. And you dont have to explain yourself to him b/c he did not explain himself to you."

For once, I will take Sam's advice. It is kind of tough b/c this was my first serious venture back into dating in almost 8 months. I have had a few first dates in the past couple months but nothing beyond that...oh well....

You still have to take the chance right....nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Sorry for the long post guys...just had a lot to spill.

love you guys



  • At 4:40 PM, Blogger Jim said…

    First, could it be hotter today?Ouch!

    Maybe East Texas boy has been sucked into the temptation merry go round of the big evil city. Personally, I leave newcomers alone to have their obligatory 6-9 months of being sucked into the Dallas flash and glitter before becoming bitter and disillusioned, lol. They are going to do it with or without me.

    Of course, it could be that he's just a jerk. In any case your friend Sam gives sage advice. Bottom line - if it feels wrong to you then it is.

    OK, I'm going back out into that convection oven :)

  • At 8:13 PM, Blogger Kree Kra said…

    Texting sucks it.

  • At 3:33 PM, Blogger Schlitz25 said…

    Thank you, thank you. (Bow. Bow. curtsy.) Matt, i just want to underscore that from our phone conversations this guy is just not right...he's 23, kissing on other people in front of you...just wrong.

    His first question shouldnt have been do you still wanna go to the party? He should have been apologizing, and then pleading with you to go to the party despite his behavior.

    I say cut him like a fish. Chop him without explanation. Why give him your emotions, let him go, he will try to come back, but dont take it. When he ask for one, or gives one, then you give an explanation. Some things you just shouldnt have to tell people so they act accordingly.

    You will find what your looking for Matthew, there is no shortage of hot available men. You just have to look in the right places. Try gay church, go bookstore, references from friends,etc. There has be a better way than chatting online.

    And if all else fails, just fuck till you find a friend.

  • At 4:30 PM, Blogger Matthew said…

    Ha Ha - Advice spoken true from your heart Samuel. I would expect nothing else....

    I do agree with you on many of your points -- though I wont be fucking until I find a friend :-)

  • At 2:32 PM, Anonymous Brad said…

    well, I know exactly what you are saying, Im the same when it comes to getting wrapped to fast and looking for something that isn't there. Its hard not to blame the other person, but its not their responsiblity to live up to our expectations at that early stage. Though I can say it its hard to put into practice. But if you ever do meet a nice guy, and it works, see if he has a brother =)

  • At 8:28 PM, Blogger Matthew said…

    Ha Ha - Brad...I agree with you - funny thing is that I rarely get attached so quickly....

    I guess somewhere deep down there I have heart and maybe one emotion...

    but...shhhhhhhhh!!!! dont tell anyone :)

  • At 2:06 AM, Blogger Always_Adventuring said…

    Aww... what a shame that he would treat you like that. At least common courtesy should have been given and his actions were not those even of a friend, or even socially polite. It always hurts when someone doesn't take your feelings into account but as the saying goes, perhaps you're better in the long run? Keep your head up, things will always get better.

  • At 2:12 AM, Blogger Matthew said…

    Thanks always_adventuring :-)

  • At 12:05 AM, Blogger hbjock said…

    Awww baby, I'm so sorry... He sounds kind of like an ass to me. I had that happen to me once. A guy that lived on another island that I had been talking to and webcamming with for a couple months invited me up to visit him for a few days, and of course he said that he would probably kiss me the second I got off the plane and all that kind of stuff...

    In reality, he was VERY closeted and would hardly even touch me! Then everyday he would leave me alone in his apartment while he went off to the gym for 2-3 hours.. One day he was gonna take me to a beach.. then we picked up one of his friends along the way.. and the beach we ended up going to was a nude beach.. and he and his friend just proceeded to check out and comment on every other guy on that beach right in front of my face...

    Then later that night, he went to drop his friend off and he didn't come home till 6:30am the next morning!! He said that he dropped his friend off and they decided to cook dinner for another friend who had gotten into an accident recently and couldn't cook for himself. I found out later through a friend that he actually had another date that night... =((


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