My So Called Life - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Embrace life -- both the sweet days and the bitter...embrace the joy and the sadness...the successes and the defeats -- for all of these things, both good and bad, have made you who you are.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Gay Marriage - An Ongoing Debate!

I could spend hours talking about the gay marriage debate and I probably will at some point in this blog b/c I can discuss serious topics too. BUT...I was surfing through some blogs and came across Margaret Cho's blog.

She has a great entry about Gay Marriage.

Gay or Straight check it out - it makes a lot of sense!

  • Margaret Cho's Take on Gay Marriage
  • This is MY Blog - You Can't Get Offended...And If You Do I Don't Care!

    Ok...just a little news flash for everyone reading my blog....this is MY blog..:-)

    And I LOVE every single one of my readers! I really do!

    But this is my Blog. My honesty. My Life.

    If you get offended, then dont read it!

    I wont apologize for anything I write on here.

    It is not my purpose to offend but to merely communicate my feelings as honestly as I can!

    Oh and just FYI - if you get offended or shocked at my blog, check out my friend Sam's blog - his link is posted under the OTHER BLOGS section to the right.

    You dont know what REAL OFFENSE is till you have scowered the pages of his blog...lol

    Love ya Sam.

    Update on NYC Guy - Very Nice Guy Indeed!

    So my friend from NYC came into town last Thursday and was here over Memorial Day Weekend. We had a wonderful dinner on Thursday night. He said he would call me over the weekend to hang out again, but he didn't. He emailed me on Monday morning and said he would call me Tuesday when he got settled back in NYC.

    To his credit, he did tell me he would be busy while he was here.

    Im ok with it. I had a great dinner with a very nice guy.

    It was a good experience. Maybe them northern boys arent that bad!

    Well...its 7:39 pm and he still hasnt called.....hmmmmmmm


    ha ha - just kidding - im not that obsessed....

    Overworked, Underpaid, and Flat out Pissed Off - Another Day at Work!

    Shit - i hate coming back to work after a long weekend. It is overloaded with new files and with tons of telephone calls. Today was no exception.

    I am behind at my desk trying to catch up on my own crap when i get yet ANOTHER email from my manager asking me to settle another case for a co-worker of mine. Now I dont mind helping out at all, but I seem to be the YES boy in my unit at work.

    Ask Matt - he will say YES!

    Give it to Matt - he NEVER says NO!

    Matt can handle that - he is great!

    UGH - well the flattery will get you no where from this point on.

    My foot is down! No more "Lets-dump-that-file-on-Matt-because-we-dont-want-to-take-the-time-to-close-it-ourselves-BULLSHIT".

    I am done - and I am stressed!

    Phew - i feel better....

    Monday, May 30, 2005

    Vacation Days - You mean some people dont take ALL of them?

    Ok..my friend Tami gave me this link (Thanks Tami!) - it is about workers in the United States that do not use all of their vacation days!

    Are you kidding me? Anyone who does not wanna use all of their vacation...please send it my way....

    check out the link below

  • Wasting Vacation Days
  • Say Hi Everyone!


    Another Picture just for my faithful readers!

    New Pics - So Handsome!


    My New and Updated Pic! Tell Me what ya think everyone!

    True Porn Clerk Stories - SO DAMN FUNNY!

    Ok..my best friend Adam showed me this link over 2 years ago and it is the funniest thing I think I have ever read. It is a blog about this woman who took a job as a Porn Store Clerk. Below are some of my favorite excerpts....the link is further down...

    "...I think part of it is that porn, which doesn't have much in the way of scripting or acting chops to move it along, has to rely on other ways to convey intensity: bigger, harder, faster, freakier. There is a new title in the straight section: V8. The caption says "Four in the ass and four in the pussy!" It was the first box that has given me pause in a while. "Sweet Jesus," I thought, "Where would everyone stand?..."

    "...Several of our straight porn boxes have a cheerful little blue circle on the front. It's designed to look like a sticker and it says "Gaping Asshole Inside!" in the same sort of cheerful font one might use for "Now with more fiber!" or "New fresh scent! It is clearly meant to be a feature, a sort of guarantee of quality: whatever else may or may not happen in this film, you are guaranteed at least one gaping asshole. Frequently there is also a gaping asshole holding the box, but that issue is not addressed. It baffles me."

    "...I am deeply relieved to report that V8 refers to fingers. How sad that I've reached a point in my life that the fact that a woman is only having four fingers jammed up her anus while another four are jammed up her vagina is a relief."

    There is more where this came from --- check out the link below!!!

  • True Porn Clerk Stories
  • Sunday, May 29, 2005

    More Funny Links - EJBdotcom.net - Awesome Website

    MasterCard Spoof - this one Truly is Priceless

  • MasterCard Spoof


  • Dancing at the Air Force Academy

  • Everybody Dance Now


  • Curiosity is sometimes not a good thing!

  • Total Embarrassment
  • A Cold Day in Hell - or at least Michigan!

    This poor reporter cant catch a break!

    Check out this link from ejbdotcom.net

  • Funny Link
  • Women Can't Drive - Here is the Proof!

    Ha ha -- funny video from ejbdotcom.net

    watch this and laugh!

  • Funny Link
  • Sobriety - A New and Wonderful Concept

    I think I am going to take a break from alcohol. I have spent so much money on alcohol in the last year it is insance. Any of my friends will tell you that I used to never drink. I would go out to the bars and watch while everyone else drank. Then a couple events happened that changed my perspective on alcohol...

    #1) I started my current job !


    #2) My best friend left Dallas and I had a lot of time by myself. Ha Ha!

    After I started working I had no choice but to start drinking as a stress reliever. My job is so stressful. Then when my best friend left I had to continue drinking lol. Looking back I dont think I really ever had any serious run-ins with alcohol until I was almost 23 years old.

    I can tell ya this much - my times being drunk have been much more fun than my times of sobriety. But I think a time has come for a break....Except of course during the week of my birthday. That week my friend Sam (whose blog is linked to this page) is coming in from Atlanta and we are gonna light up this town. Isn't that right Sam?

    But other than that I think a break is in order. I am entering an introspective time of life. A time to focus on me. Get some things in order. And I dont need to be giving away 200 - 300 dollars a month to a bar! Think of what i could buy!

    Women - Part II

    For those of who dont have AOL, let me add one bit of explanation.

    When you have AOL if you click on someone's screenname who is on your buddy list you can find out which chat room they are in while they are online. So that is how this girl knew I was in a gay chat room....

    Now is it possible that she was being flirty....well....yeah that is a possibility...the same possibility that I am straight....so lets get serious....

    She saw me in a gay chat room and flipped...she is blocked and peace is now restored!

    Women - I Dont't Understand Them and I Don't Want to

    I am online one night in a dallas chat room on AOL. This is not a gay chat room but a regular chat room for anyone who lives in Dallas. This girl IMs me and we start chatting. Anytime I go into a chat room I chat with whoever wants to talk. I dont discriminate based on guy vs girl or gay vs straight. So we chat for a bit that night online. We go through the basics and learn a little bit about each other. She sends me a pic and I compliment her b/c she is very pretty. I go to bed and I buddy list her and she buddy lists me. End of conversation NUMBER ONE.

    The next time I am online she sends me a message and we chat for just a little bit b/c I am heading off somewhere so I tell her I will catch her again online. She says ok and we end that brief discussion. End of conversation NUMBER TWO.

    The next time I am online we talk for a bit and I fill her in on my situation with the Florida posts from earlier about my friends. She gives me some advice and we talk a little bit more. I then have a phone call and have to step away from the computer. When I return she has signed off. End of conversation NUMBER THREE.

    Well I decide to then go into a dallas gay chat room. I fall asleep still signed into the chat room and I wake up the next morning with several IMs. One of them is from the girl. It is simply two words. "You're evil."

    Now I can only assume that she is saying that b/c she saw me in a gay chat room and was offended that I had not told her I was gay. I decided I did not want to deal with any drama so I blocked her on email and instant messenger...but here are some points I want to make:

    #1) Why do I have to admit up front that I am gay? If I am just chatting online whether its to a guy or a girl, why do I have to say before we chat "Oh by the way, I am gay!"...just fyi. How stupid is that? We are strangers. All I am to her is a screenname. She has no right to be offended that I am gay. We aren't dating, discussing kids...hell we havent even met and we have only talked a handful of times online. Get a grip!

    #2) What is up with this unfair catch-22? Straight people make such a big deal about it when we make "Being Gay" the main focal point of our lives. My straight friends say "We have no problem with gay people but gay people always have to SHOUT it out and make it the main reason for living." Well I cetrainly dont but this girl was PISSED that I didnt tell her up front and she was upset for me NOT making it the main point. Ugh -- i cant stand that.

    #3) Why the hell does being gay and going into a gay chat room make me evil? Just b/c she had visions of marriage and kids and meeting up online, that is not my problem. I cant help it if she had a goal of meeting a nice straight guy online, but instead she met a nice gay guy. I cant help it that her goal was blocked by my sexual orientation. That is not my problem.

    #4) We never talked about sex. We never talked about meeting. We never talked about anything in the future that could have brought about a meeting. We never talked about anything other than surface information such as: where do you live, what do you do, what do you do in your spare time, have any pets, where you from originally..etc...blah, blah, blah. It is so irritating that she would respond with such a stupid and ill-informed comment simply b/c the truth of who I am didnt match up with her desires about me being a straight guy.


    Well...this nice gay guy has had enough. Hit the road Bitch! I dont understand women and I don't want to!

    Relationships - Fear of Commitment or Lack of Interest?

    The last long term relationship I had was in college. None of my friends in college had any idea that I was in a long term relationship for 2 1/2 years. I moved up to Dallas and have been here in Dallas for 4 1/2 years. Since moving to Dallas, I have not had a relationship past a few months with most of them lasting only about a month.

    Is this a fear of commitment or a total lack of interest? I simply lose interest after a month and cannot continue on with the relationship. Now there have been a few that I have called off for legitimate reasons. The last one I had to stop b/c I had so much going on with myself and my family, and I actually sought out counseling at that time which I have since ceased.

    I do not hook up with guys at bars or online anymore for just sex. In fact I have only had sexual intercourse with 3 guys and those were all in relationships. I have hooked up with guys and simply messed around doing minor stuff, but I do not do that anymore. It simply does not interest me. Inside I feel like I want a relationship, but when I get one I lose interest.

    Instead of hooking up physically, do I hook up emotionally? I find a guy I connect with and get an emotional need met and then move on because I have had my "emotinal fix". Then I stay single for a long time until I need it again. Then I date a new guy for about a month, get my "emotional fix" met and then move on from him to? It's like a drug addict only with relationships.

    How do you change this? Is this the case with me? Just a thought that came to my mind when I was talking to my friend Sam last night. I have started to sort of date a new guy and I am wondering if I am going to do the same thing to him. I dont want to, but patterns are patterns for a reason. How do you break a pattern that seems so ingrained into you? I guess we will see....

    Saturday, May 28, 2005

    Worship Music - Sweet Sounds and Sweet Mercies

    I carpool with a co-worker now at work. He is an awesome guy. Completely non judgemental even though he is in seminary. We were having an intersting talk about homosexuality and the scripture on the drive home from work on Friday. Had an interesting talk about the Old Testament/Covenant vs the New Testament/Covenant. On his cd player, the worship song "Sweet Mercies" came on. I knew every word just like I had been singing it every Sunday even though I haven't actually heard the song in almost 5 years.

    Why is it that I still love worship music? I love music that worships the Creator. I love music that glorifies Him. And even after all this time, I still love Him!

    The Gay World - A Much Needed Break

    Everyone needs a break now and then. A period of time to shut the world out. A time to simply focus on yourself, become introspective, and focus on you and your own life. A time to shut out the drama and the problems that come with interaction with those around you.

    I think I am gonna take a little personal gay vacation. Except this vacation is a vacation away from the gay world. I need to focus on me for a little while. Most of my friends right now are gay and I want to step away from that for just a little.

    Now make no mistake...this is not just a GAY thing. I am basically stepping away from everything. I am going to simply go to work and other than that, take time for myself. Focus on making myself happier. And to do that I need a break from the things that are currently in my life.

    This isnt a depression. Its not an attempt to escape from life. It is an attempt to organize my life. To focus on me and my happiness and not be bothered (at least for a little while) by the external drama of my current relationships (both friends and dating).

    Thursday, May 26, 2005

    A Date - From Out of Town

    So I met this guy online - he is from New York City - he is coming in to visit - We are going out to dinner tonight - I will let you guys know how it goes.........to be continued

    Sunday, May 22, 2005

    Progress - Slow and Steady!

    So coming up the office on Sunday is a pain in the ass. But it does help - I have been able to make a lot of progress on my files. I should be able to start Monday off without feeling overwhelmed. I hope so. Mondays are the worst day of the week.

    But I do have Wednesday off as a comp day for working this last saturday. So that is good. Ok well I didnt update at work as much as I thought. I was actually busy working. So talk to you guys when I get home...buh bye

    Working on Sunday - A Day of Rest My Ass!

    So I am up at work on Sunday about to go through all of my files so I dont get swamped this week. This is Sunday. Supposedly a day of rest. But there is no rest for me my friends. But I guess you do what you gotta do! I will blog throughout the day to keep ya up to date on my day b/c i know you are ALL excited to know! And I will never let my readers down!

    Bugs Bugs Bugs - Do I live in a dump?

    My apartment is filled with bugs. Bugs, bugs, bugs everywhere. I have caught and either killed or released into the wild of my parking lot about 30 little 1-inch centipede like bugs in the last 24 hours. It is absolutely disgusting. In addition, I have found silverfish in my bathtub and in my sink. The centipedes have been found in my bathtub, my sink, my walls, my floor, my kitchen sink and cabinets. There are daily piles of the bugs who had died that day in the corners of my apt. It is GROSS!

    And NOOOO. It is not because my apt is dirty. I keep my apt spotless. Trash does not pile up, clothes are cleaned timely. This is not a cleanliness issue on my part. Now I am not sure what the apt complex can do.

    The last complex I lived at (which is run, owned by the same mgt company and is in the same establishment as this complex) told me that they could do nothing about the bugs. So I suffered through my last 12 month lease and moved apts.

    I will not go through that again. I called and left a message on my apt office voicemail. I sent them an email and I sent an email to their corporate office. Something has to be done!

    Now anyone who knows me, knows that I might get frustrated and impatient but I do NOT yell at anyone over the phone. I never lose my temper at others over the phone b/c of what I deal with at work every day. But this situation my test my limits on that.

    Who wants bugs as roommates? I mean I know they are everywhere whether I see them or not, but I would rather not see them on my wall everytime I wake up. Or on the ground beside my bed in the morning when i get out of bed to start my day!

    I keep my apartment clean and organized and the bugs have go to go!

    The True Life of an Adjuster - We Are People Too

    Everyone knows my job basically. I am a casualy adjuster for an insurance company. Every time someone finds out I work for an insurance company they go off on how they hate insurance companies. Insurance companies are Evil. Insurance companies are only out to make a profit. Blah, blah, blah. That last comment really cracks me up. What company ISN'T out to make a profit. Are insurance companies supposed to be non-profit? If insurance companies didnt make a profit who would pay for all the accidents people get into??? Answer me that one.

    Here are some basic rules that people need to understand about Insurance Companies.

    #1.) -- Your monthly premiums are NOT like a bank account. You are not depositing money into some secret account that you can someday use. This is in response to those people (and you know who you are) that say "I have paid you ALL this money over the years...." Well yes you have paid money and you have been PROTECTED in case of an accident. This isnt a bank account, its protection against the unknown.

    #2) -- Insurance is alleatory. For the uneducated this means that the relationship between the insurer and the insured customer is not always equal. This goes along with #1. You can pay insurance for 50 years and never have a wreck. Guess what....the insurance company MADE a lot of money off of you. You can have insurance for 50 years and have a wreck every year. Potentially the insurance company could LOSE money off of you. You can pay 100 a month and then have the insurance company pay you 6000 for damages to your car. The relationship is not equal. The insurance company UNDERSTANDS this. The customers need to catch up!

    #3) -- If an adjuster could pay EVERY claim, trust me WE WOULD! This is directed to all those people who say "You just deny every claim to save money." Now how stupid is this comment. Yeah...there is no way in hell I am going to simply deny every claim that comes across my desk because then I am going to have to deal with customers calling and yelling at me everyday. Do you people truly believe that adjusters like getting yelled at? Are we masichists who enjoy pain and being beaten down, cussed at, threatened and yelled at over the phone?? Trust me, if I could pay every claim that came across my desk I would. Why? Because paying claims makes people happy. Unfortunately not every claim deserves to be paid. There in lies the dilemma!

    #4) -- Adjusters are people too. Believe it or not, we actually have family, friends, car payments, insurance payments, just like you. Its amazing to me how many people tell me over the phone that we are "heartless" and "rude" and "mean". I find that funny b/c i never yell, never shout, never interrupt on the phone. Usually it is the customer yelling, screaming, cursing, interrupting, yet they call me "Rude and Heartless and Mean". There is an irony for you.

    #5) -- Adjusters have names. And they are not any of the following:
    Bitch, Bastard, Motherfucker, Asshole, Jerk, Fuckwad, Piss-ant, Pig, Slut, Prick

    And my personal favorite:

    Mother Fucking Bitch Slut

    Also any combination of the afore mentioned words is UNACCEPTABLE!

    Ok - so there are you first few rules. Memorize these! There will be a test later on. I will have more RULES for you in the future. Stay Tuned!

    Happy Hour - Not So Happy and Longer than an Hour!

    So my co-workers go to Happy Hour on a weekly basis. They always ask me to go and I have always said no and come up with an excuse not to join in. I have this idea that I dont want to get too personally involved with people at work. I want to keep my work and my "outside of work" lives separate. Well....I decided to give in and join the group for Happy Hour on Thursday evening after work.

    So I show up and everyone is excited to see me and I am excited to see them as well. I order a beer and eat some nachos...start actually having a good time. One of my co-workers named Laurie comes up to talk to me. Laurie is a beautfiul woman. And actually sweet too even though I give her a hard time. She says "Matt, I remember when I told you to move into my neighborhood b/c there were lots of beautiful women with bikinis. Then i felt stupid b/c I knew you didnt like girls." Ha Ha. I almost laughed out loud when she said this. We were over in the corner so it was ok. It was just me and her talking.

    Now...just so you know, I am out at work to a lot of people and dont care if people find out so no worries there. So anyway...back to the story...

    So Laurie and I keep talking about all of us going out to a bar sometime and having a good ole drunken time. Blah, Blah, Blah...just fun drunk talk...well I was still sober...she was drunk...

    Among the people that were there was a guy named Steve. Steve used to work at with me but does not anymore (I will leave it at that!). Steve and I had been talking throughout the evening and then at a point about 3/4 through my evening I am standing basically in the middle of the group and Steve walks up to me. He looks at me and motions between us with his hands moving back in forth from my chest to his he says "Matt, can I ask you a question?" I say, "Sure."....
    He asks, "Are you gay?". I was taken back a little bit b/c he asked the question very loudly in the middle of my entire set of co-workers in a bar and it just caught me off guard. So i slowly responded "Yeah...that was a random question." He says somethign in reply but I dont hear it b/c Im still alittle taken back by his question.

    Somehow, the way he asked it was different than how Laurie made me feel with her previous statement. Steve's question/comments had more of a sting to it even though outwardly it didnt appear he was attempting to be mean.

    Well..being taken aback I walked away for a few moments to compose myself into a small hallway. On the wall of this hallway was a glass picture that showed the reflections of the entire group of people. I sat and watched the reflections and then I saw what is possibly the most disrespectful action someone has ever done to me conerning my sexuality. What made it worse was that these people are supposedly my friends.

    Steve looked over his left shoulder and then his right shoulder (obviously making sure I was not watching or in the vacinity). He then began retelling the story of our previous conversation. He made the same hand gesture as he made to me obviously retelling it point by point. And then he hit the BIG punchline. I even saw his mouth say the words. The punchline was my response of "Yeah" to his question about me being gay. The table busted out LAUGHING. I am not to sure what was actually funny about that yet. What I do know is that at that moment I became a joke to them.

    My face was red from partial embarrassment and partial anger. I was faced with a decision. I could confront or just walk away and realize that I avoid work functions for a reason. I decided to walk away and have resigned myself never to attend functions outside of work time where there are co-workers present. Normally I would have confronted them for their rudeness, but confrontation would have done nothing. I did not have the energy or the desire to try and correct such stupidity even though I probably should have. I realize that some of my co-workers such as Laurie and others did not take part in laughing. But they also did not stop or correct Steve in his mocking. That hurts too.

    Steve's disrespectful actions and my friends inactions to stop him were incredibly painful and disrespectful.

    New Rule for Life - No more hanging out with co-workers OUTSIDE of work! That is why they are called co-workers!

    Friday, May 20, 2005

    Enough Blogging - Talk to you Tomorrow

    So tomorrow look for the story about my HAPPY HOUR DEBACLE!

    You have got to hear this story - UGH - i wanted to kick some ass

    keep checking in!

    The New Rule About Guys - Its Over Turned

    Ok - so that new rule about guys being off limits if they dont live in D/FW


    ITS NO MORE - TALKING TO A GREAT GUY IN NYC - HA HA - KEEP YA POSTED!

    Part II - San Antonio Disaster!

    So I thought that we might have dinner together. Well...He decided to get take out from a barbecue place and go home to eat where there were other people hanging out already. So I was unable to spend quality alone time with him again. After eating I was tired and frustrated so I decided to go lie down and take a nap. Then he told me that he had told his friends that he would go out to this bar in San Antonio, the Bonham. Its a 3 story bar that was actually pretty cool. I told him I would prefer to hang out with him alone, but he stated that he had told his friedns that he would go out, so out of guilt (and I desire to at least have some fun) I decided to go to the bar with all of them. We went to the bonham which was good. We stated there for about an hour or so, and then went to this bar called the Heat. We arrived there at about 12:15 or so. After we walked in the door that was the last time I saw of the guy I was visiting until almost 3:00 am. I was forced to simply tag along with either this guy or his friends b/c I didnt know anyone at all.

    The guy I visited probably didnt speak to me more than 10 - 15 minutes at the Heat. I finally got a call from a friend out of state so I went to the porch/patio and talked to him for about 30 minutes b/c he was more interested in me than the guy i was visiting. Finally for the last couple hours, I hung out with one of the guys friends name Daniel. He was so cool and so sweet. We actually sat and had an actual conversation. It was nice. I learned a lot about him and he about me. So anyway - finally around 3 am the guy shows up and states that we will leave in 2 minutes. He goes back in to say by to someone. Daniel has left at this point and I wait a little while longer and finally the guy comes back and we get to leave. We get home and I decide to just go to bed. I wake up the next morning at 11:30 and I am on my way back home by noon.

    Ok that is the overall summary and now is the bitch session.... Daniel told me I was being to nice at the time b/c i was telling him that I was ok with what was going on (me getting ignored, etc). I told him I was really ok and was still having a good time in San Antonio. I told him that once I got back to Dallas, then I could get pissed off and bitch but i didnt wanna do it in San Antonio b/c I didnt wanna ruin anyone elses weekend. Long story short, Daniel apologized for this guys behavior b/c Daniel felt it was wrong how he was treating me. I thanked him but told him there was no reason to apoligize. Ok...so anyway. I think its kind of rude to ignore a visitor in town the whole time while you are hanging out with your friends. I think you should have the courtesy to at least make sure that they are having a good time, and make sure they feel comfortable. Now me and this guy had decided that we were only meeting as friends..etc...we didnt wanna have any other expectations (even though I have blogged about more...that was merely questions put forth for thought). But still....how on earth do you invite someone down, only to ignore them the whole damn time they are there. I almost came back Saturday night but decided not too....I probably should have.

    For future reference, if you invite someone to visit you...just remember...THEY ARE VISITING YOU...THEY ARE NOT COMING DOWN TO VISIT YOUR FRIENDS. This guy obviously didnt know that. So yeah - trust me - this blog is edited down some. I had some real frustration built up in me but I finally just let it go. I orignally had no expectations to begin with, so this really isnt much of a loss. But this guy is no longer attractive to me at all...b/c he was inconsiderate in a way that I could never think to be. Guys really are fucked up. Maybe i should just be single for the rest of my life. My friends here in Dallas do not know that i had plans to visit this guy. I decided to keep it on the downlow b/c i just wanted a weekend away from dallas and didnt want to have to explain anything. No harm meant...no foul done.... New Rule for the future - no more guys outside of D/FW - not even a consideration. So guys, if you dont live in Dallas....you are OFF the list...

    Trip to San Antonio - What a DISASTER!

    Now remember this actually occurred over a month ago - he he he - jsut now posting

    Well...I did finally make it to San Antonio after driving to Weatherford (which is where my sister lives) friday night. I went to SA late late late Friday night. So here is the story of my fucked up partial weekend in San Antonio. Lord is it a doozy. And it reinforces my belief that guys basically suck and my therapy/counseling sessions must continue. First of all let me summarize a prior conversation I had the guy I was visiting. He had told me in advance that this weekend was the first weekend of Fiesta...a HUGE party that lasts for over a week. He told me had a party on Friday night he had to go to, but this would not be a problem b/c i would not arrive until late..and I didnt even arrive until midnight anyway.

    So the party he had to go to on Friday was not gonna be a problem. Then he told me that the only other event he had to go to was on Saturday from 2 - 4. So we would be able to hang out before and after that. We talked about having dinner saturday night and even going to see a movie. So this is the understanding I had in making the plans. The only thing he really HAD to do was this party on Saturday from 2 - 4. Now lets fast forward to the actual visit. So I arrive late on Friday night around midnight or so. The Guy meets me with a female friend(who is so sweet and very pretty by the way). He tells me we are going to a country bar called cowboys which I agree to even though I am tired. I thought it might be fun. So we get to Cowboys and it is DEAD so they decide that we will go to this club called Revolutions. He cant get into Revolutions b/c his license had expired and they would not let him in. So we went next door to this bar called Karma. Karma was very crowded but I had an ok time...had a few drinks. Well...after some big drama with some friends of his (that did not involve me), we all came back home. We all stay up late playing Jenga and drinking. Then we all go to sleep b/c we are all tired.

    We wake up the next morning and go to lunch. Then everything goes downhill. At lunch he tells me about the party he has to go to from 2 - 4. We go to this party which is actually a show and skit performance. The guy meets up with his friends and that is the moment when I officially disappear. This guy was walking around talking to all of his friends, interacting, drinking, having a great time. Now he was very nice that he introduced me to all of his friends, but I was out of my element, out of my city, out of my comfort zone, and basically alone. I was visiting this guy and he spent no time with me at this event at all. I was basically just standing around by myself on the outside of the group the whole time lookin like an idiot. I wasnt able to carry on any conversations with anyone b/c they didnt know me and I didnt know them. His friends had no real reason to talk to me b/c they werent trying to get to know me. So many times i felt so uncomfortable I would simply walk off by myself and check out the bar by myself. It was actually more fun than just standing around being ignored. The party lasted until 7 or so....that means i had to feel ignored for almost 4 1/2 hours. I smiled and wanted to have a good time, but I hid my frustration and disappointment b/c i thought the evening could be salvaged. I mean after all, I had the evening to hang out with him...right???

    --- Part II coming up...it gets worse....

    Blogging Break - Now Im Back!

    Ok so no apology will cut it. I took a break from my blogging but now I am back. I did not have access to the internet at home for a month. Ugh - i hope my faithful READER is still out there Sam - dont stop reading yet!!!!!! ok more updates to come -

    I have to tell you about my trip to San Antonio and about this new guy I am talking to in New York City and about my latest happy hour debacle at work........stay tuned!