My So Called Life - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Embrace life -- both the sweet days and the bitter...embrace the joy and the sadness...the successes and the defeats -- for all of these things, both good and bad, have made you who you are.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Relationships - Fear of Commitment or Lack of Interest?

The last long term relationship I had was in college. None of my friends in college had any idea that I was in a long term relationship for 2 1/2 years. I moved up to Dallas and have been here in Dallas for 4 1/2 years. Since moving to Dallas, I have not had a relationship past a few months with most of them lasting only about a month.

Is this a fear of commitment or a total lack of interest? I simply lose interest after a month and cannot continue on with the relationship. Now there have been a few that I have called off for legitimate reasons. The last one I had to stop b/c I had so much going on with myself and my family, and I actually sought out counseling at that time which I have since ceased.

I do not hook up with guys at bars or online anymore for just sex. In fact I have only had sexual intercourse with 3 guys and those were all in relationships. I have hooked up with guys and simply messed around doing minor stuff, but I do not do that anymore. It simply does not interest me. Inside I feel like I want a relationship, but when I get one I lose interest.

Instead of hooking up physically, do I hook up emotionally? I find a guy I connect with and get an emotional need met and then move on because I have had my "emotinal fix". Then I stay single for a long time until I need it again. Then I date a new guy for about a month, get my "emotional fix" met and then move on from him to? It's like a drug addict only with relationships.

How do you change this? Is this the case with me? Just a thought that came to my mind when I was talking to my friend Sam last night. I have started to sort of date a new guy and I am wondering if I am going to do the same thing to him. I dont want to, but patterns are patterns for a reason. How do you break a pattern that seems so ingrained into you? I guess we will see....

3 Comments:

  • At 8:59 PM, Blogger jim said…

    After 3 relationships (11, 5, and 3 years) I can say I you move on when you have outgrown it, maybe they didnt have what you needed? Maybe you dont really need a relationship? Maybe need isnt the right word? Maybe I need a drink, yes, thats it ! :)

     
  • At 9:04 PM, Blogger Matthew said…

    ha ha - yes you always have the righg thing to say Jim - i think you may be on to something - maybe I just wont settle and maybe they didnt have everything i needed

     
  • At 5:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    HI I HAVE TO SAY THAT I TOTALLY AGREE. AFTER SPENDING 2 YEARS IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP AND GETTING MY HEART COMPLETELY BROKEN AFTER HIM ADMITING TO MANY OCCASIONS OF BEING UNFAITHFUL I DECIDED TO NEVER BE PLAYED AGAIN. "HATE THE GAME NOT THE PLAYER" RIGHT? WELL I DECIDED TO MAKE THE GAME MY OWN. LEAD ON GUYS AND THEN WHEN IM DONE WITH THEM IM DONE. IT WORKED WELL UNTIL MOVING AND NOT HAVING THE FAMILIAR PEOPLE AROUND. NOW IM JUST PLAIN LONELY AND HAVE THE HARDEST TIME CONNECTING ENOUGH WITH A GUY TO EVEN WANT TO HOOK UP

     

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