My So Called Life - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Embrace life -- both the sweet days and the bitter...embrace the joy and the sadness...the successes and the defeats -- for all of these things, both good and bad, have made you who you are.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Fake Politeness - The Woes Of The First Date Disasters

I am sure we have all experienced this at some point. We go on a date with someone and have a great time. There is good conversation. The chemistry seems to be there. You have a lot in common. You have just an overall good time.

Then you never hear from the person again.

It is one of those mysteries of nature. You call and leave a voicemail. No return call. You send a text message just to follow up and say hi. No return text.

You are left to wonder what went wrong. You come to the conclusion that "Maybe he just wasn't into me."

This scenario happened to me except it had an addendum. A prologue if you will. But my scenario taught me that the biggest mystery is not in the question of "why did he not call me back." The biggest mystery lies in the "person" himself.

So a few weeks passed after what I thought was a good date and guess who I run into outside my gym. He was standing outside of a car talking to a friend and as I passed by in my car he smiled at me and waived. I honestly did not even recognize him b/c I had not seen him in a few weeks. I thought to myself that this guy had me confused with someone else.

So I circle back around and park and he smiles really big and waves at me and waives me over again. I don't respond b/c I don't recognize him and there was someone else over in my direction so I thought he must be talking to that person.

He then looks my direction waives again and smiles and says hi and asks me how I am. I respond with a kind nod thinking he has me confused with someone else.

Then I see him get into his car and I actually recognize the sad right? lol I recognize the car and not the person.

Then I remember who it is....and the moment I recognized who it was I was immediately baffled by this question.

Why did he act so chummy with me now yet not return my phone call or my text message. If he had wanted to be friends, then surely at least a return call would be in order. Even if the call is just to say "hey let's be friends", it would still be the polite thing to do.

I just don't understand guys that ignore you after a date but when they see you in public want to act like they didn't ignore in the first place. They want to act like you have this great history and are friends.

I honestly have nothing to say to this guy. Not because I hate him or anything like that. But if he did not have the decency to even call me back to try and be friends or even casual acquaintances then I am definitely not taking the time and effort to fake it in public for him.


  • At 10:24 AM, Blogger Jason said…

    Don't waste your time on someone like that. He probably treats others like this as well. It sounds like an ego thing. Bait a guy and then watch him try to be the aggressor. You're a cute guy and there are plenty of decent guys who will be calling and texting you ;)


  • At 12:50 PM, Blogger Scotty said…

    I had that happen more than once and it totalyl pissed me off but guys are...well...guys. Some are just asses.

    I would just write him off.

    I have to be honest and say i think I have done similar things in the post through. It was partly because I had nothign else to say. This one guy e-mailed me and I was nice and cordial back and then he started e-mailing and texting me several times a day. I finally stopped responding.

    I think he thought by my responding I was interested and I wasn't. I tried to NOT send mixed signals...even said the let's be friends thing and it didn't stop until I finally said, "DUDE! I AM NOT INTERESTED!" THEN he stopped.

    I don't think that is YOUR situation but just wanted to say I have been guilty...of course it wasn't after a was after a HOOK-UP!

  • At 8:11 AM, Blogger savante said…

    Recently happened to me. Unfortunately sometimes attraction doesn't go both ways and he just might not be that into you.

    No worries, cutie. Sure there are tons of decent guys just waiting to knock on that door of yours.


  • At 2:03 PM, Blogger Matthew said…

    Yeah - definitely not into me and that is ok - but fake politness is irritating!

  • At 9:35 PM, Anonymous sam said…

    So fickle. I try to reserve judgement because I think everybody is a flake sometimes. But still, what a jerk!

  • At 10:48 PM, Blogger Matthew said…

    Sam - absolutely - each one of us can treat others poorly at different times. All we can do is learn from each experience and move on...

  • At 11:32 AM, Blogger Jim said…

    Matt, since you are an intelligent, talented and genuinely nice guy I would recommend dating men with spines.

    Apparently this guy didnt have one :)

  • At 10:16 PM, Anonymous hb jock said…

    Hmmm yeah I hate when that happens. I never understand why people say one thing and they really seem to enjoy themselves on a date, and then some even ASK for a second date... and then they don't follow through. And then when you finally are in contact again, they show no interest whatsoever... it irritates the hell out of me! grrr... :)

  • At 12:13 AM, Blogger steve'swhirlyworld said…

    Hey Matt. I saw your site off of Jim's. I hope you don't mind the comment.

    Having dated nearly everyone in Dallas and now Phoenix, I think I have a little experience (I've been dating the same guy for 2 months ex can't believe that I've actually found another...I was with him for 8) Anyway, I think you're absolutely right. Guys should let you know that they're not interested after a first date. It's okay to say, "You know, I just don't think this will work" I think you handled it the right way. DON"T SETTLE! Hold true to your beliefs.



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