My So Called Life - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Embrace life -- both the sweet days and the bitter...embrace the joy and the sadness...the successes and the defeats -- for all of these things, both good and bad, have made you who you are.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

A Tough Question - A Tough Topic

Two guys starting going out. One is positive and one is negative. The negative guy decides not to date the guy who is positive because he cannot handle dating someone who is HIV +. Do you look badly upon the guy who is negative? Is he wrong for walking away?

***Note - this post is not related to the previous one about Enough is Enough!


  • At 3:45 AM, Anonymous sam said…

    I think it depends more on his attitude, which I can't judge because I don't know the guy.

    But based on that alone - that he doesn't want to date a positive guy - I just think that's a personal decision we all have to make on our own.

    I don't think he should be judged for that because he's the one who will have to live with the repercussions of that (if there are any), whether it's becoming infected or simply losing a great love.

  • At 11:28 PM, Blogger Topher said…

    Neh, I wouldn't look badly to the guy that's negative. I can see where he's coming from since he's just looking out for himself in the long run, ie. not becoming positive himself.

    I dunno, maybe they can become friends at least if there was some sort of connection between them.

  • At 1:07 AM, Blogger Jim said…

    Nope, not at all, its a personal choice. I've been in that situation before, many times, and did what I thought was best.

  • At 3:54 AM, Blogger Scotty said…

    I wouldn't. I think I would think twice about it myself. I don't know what my decision would be since I have not been in that situation however I wouldn't judge anyone who felt that way!

  • At 1:22 PM, Blogger The Persian said…

    Look badly on him? no not in the least. People have fears, some get past them and others just don't. You can't really blame someone for being afraid. You can feel sad, but never condemning.

  • At 9:39 AM, Blogger Sangroncito said…

    One must be within one's comfort level for the relationship to work.

    And welcome back, by the way. (and what happened to Sam's blog?)

  • At 11:59 AM, Blogger The Great Cranky One said…

    Having been in a situation like this, where in the end it just didn't work out and I was not harmed by it.(did not get anything) I am not as put off as some people.

    I do think, however decisions should not be made out of fear with anything. They should be educated and informed. If you are scared of something learn about it and see if your fears are justified. You might still say nope not gonna do it or you might not. I always look at things about do I really know what i am scared of? Anyway thas just my two cents, but I don't think you are wrong.

    I do think a lot of people in the gay community treat HIV infected people like the Lepers they are not. Most of that is poor education on the disease and how to protect yourself. I have known so many HIV+ people who are shocked I will have anything to do with them and that is shameful on our community I think. Ok off my soap box.


  • At 2:48 AM, Blogger hbjock said…

    Hmm... well, I think my opinion would depend on the situation. If a negative person won't be with a positive person because he fears to lose that person.. then I think he's coping out and I would hate to be in the poz person's situation and have someone be so close-minded.

    If the situation is that the neg person has a fear of possibly contracting HIV (which yes, even with a condom is possible)... then as the poz person, I would have to understand. Although this disease is not as detrimental as it used to be, I am sure that to talk about it one thing.. to actually contract it and have to live with it for the rest of your life, is a whole nother thing...

    I think that people today are getting too complacent about this disease... that just because we now have really great meds... that people are being more careless about sex and whom their partners are... If I were a poz guy, I would completely understand the justification for leaving the relationship.. yes it would REALLY suck for me.. but, I wouldn't want ot risk infecting anyone.. especially someone I could possibly grow to love..

  • At 2:17 AM, Blogger ScottyFerguson said…

    As a positive guy I dislike this topic because your comments hurt. You make perfect sense but it does still hurt. simply saying "IT WOULD SUCK" is an understatment. Love doesnt mean sex. these things are not interchanable and the fact you cant see beyond that saddens me. If this is the way the world really is then I am completely fooling myself. Are you saying that you could never be in a relationship with a person who is positive? You dont even give them a chance to see who they are? Ya'll cold! Yes its a personal decision. I respect that. It's just a silly decision thats all. Its negating a human beings worth based on health. It like saying I'll never date someone with cancer cause its not worth it to me. Granted that canser is not a sexually transmitted disease but... thats why ya play it safe. You all should be doing that anyway... RIGHT? If your not the shoe may be on the other foot and your words might soon have more meaning then that do right now.

  • At 8:17 PM, Blogger Matthew said…

    I would say this - this is not a silly topic at all. It is a very real topic that many people to have to face including!

    Obviously for someone who is positive they have some tough things thrown at them in life. But one cannot categorically deny the fact that it might be a tough decision for someone who is negative to make.

    If you deny that it is a tough decision for a negative person to think about, then you become just as closed minded as the people who automatically right off people who are positive.

    I would also say that this discussion does not negate a human beings worth as a person. It is not about their worth at all. Now some people may turn it into a discussion of a person's worth but it definately doesnt have to be about that..and it shouldn't be about that.

    People are people - they have fears and biases - some are founded and some are unfounded. But the discussion of those fears is valid.

  • At 1:08 AM, Blogger ScottyFerguson said…

    point taken. You are correct.

  • At 10:27 AM, Blogger Matthew said…

    I just always think its important to hear both sides of every discussion.

    From the comments given, it appears you are the only HIV positive person to respond and I for one definitely appreciate your input b/c it is a point of view that I do not have at this point and I feel I can learn something from everyone.

    I can learn about your struggles, your triumphs, your hard times and good...With your input on such topics as this everyone can learn to see things through a different lense and therefore open up their minds and hearts to people in a way they would otherwise be unable to.

    Your comments and everything you have to offer is always welcome Scotty!

  • At 3:03 PM, Blogger Ben said…

    I just stumbled upon your blog while killing time so I might be a little late to the game, but that's the story of my life. As someone who is hiv+, yes it really does suck. But there are always 2 sides to every story. I think that if someone had a problem with it, they aren't someone I would want to be with anyway. While sex does play a part in it, the biggest downfall is that someone will never look at you as a person beyond your hiv status. It will always be in their head and it will never be forgotten. It will always be a source of pain, humiliation, regret and worry. I am lucky that I am not yet on meds. I think about it as little as possible. I actually deal with only twice a year, at my bi-annual checkup and blood tests. Any other time I'm just a regular person and want to be treated as such. It would never work with a man who couldn't look at me that way. So if someone had a problem with it, well good luck but don't waste my time.


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