My So Called Life - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Embrace life -- both the sweet days and the bitter...embrace the joy and the sadness...the successes and the defeats -- for all of these things, both good and bad, have made you who you are.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Party For One - A Glass Of Wine And Peace And Quiet

Waiter: Matthew, party of one...your table is ready....

All the lights in the apartment are off. The only light burns from a scented candle in the middle of the table where I sit. My computer is in front of me. My wine glass is filled to the top and rests to my right. I have relaxing, nostalgic, spiritual music playing in the background...the music I listened to in my college years and early years in Dallas. The chair I am sitting in is cushioned and incredibly comfortable allowing me to sink in just far enough but not giving too much. The wine is sweet but not too sweet.

This is my night for myself. For no one else...just me. There is no bar full of people to keep me company. No starbucks coffee to keep me awake. No friends and no roommate to occupy my time and discuss the latest dramatics at the workplace or political upheaval. Just me. Alone. In the dark. To sit and contemplate.

I have not spent a night like this with myself in quite a while. I used to spend many a night like this. Contemplating, journaling, thinking, dreaming, fantasizing about life...about my future...about the possibilities that life would hold for me. I think that as of late, I have been so consumed with the realities that I left no room for the possibilities of what might be.

So tonight I sit on a date with myself...a quiet evening...a nice glass of wine...peace and quiet. An evening with no distractions for me to think, ramble, sing out loud, talk to myself, sit and stare, to fall out of focus in a haze about nothing in particular. A time to simply be with me. To find out how I am doing. To hear my own heart and my own thoughts for a change. To discover what has been going on with me. To learn things about myself instead of trying to learn things about other people. To try and get in touch with how I am feeling at this point in my life.

Isn't that what a night like this should be? We are always so eager to go on a date with someone else. We ask them questions...we want to know every detail...we try to make them feel good...we compliment them...we make them feel important. So why not do that for myself. So tonight I am asking myself questions. I am wanting to find out every detail. I want to make myself feel good. I want to compliment myself. I want to make myself feel important. So that is what I am doing.

Now if you will excuse me...as the waiter said earlier...my table for one is ready...

22 Comments:

  • At 10:17 PM, Blogger Stammhirnlied said…

    This is one of the best posts I've read on a ramdon blog, in a long, long while. Cheers kiddo.

     
  • At 10:25 PM, Blogger ulrika said…

    What a super post ,Thank you ,I really enjoyed it and it made me think that perhaps I'll sit in peace and traquility one night next week in stead of flying round in ever decreacing circles

     
  • At 11:43 PM, Blogger Annie said…

    HOLD the PHONE.. Wait.. can I ask a stupid question? You can do this in ONE night? *sigh* I think I've been doing this ALL WRONG! I think I've been inspired. What I need is a vacation! This alone thing sounds like it could wonders. Wait. What did you do with your roommate? Do I want to know? Do you have a fire extinguisher in case the candle burns more than just wax? Is the wine red or white? Wine puts me to sleep, so any contemplating about my life might be cut short like within 20 minutes after drinking said wine. I'm with ulrika, perhaps I need to lie down in peace and tranquility too... unfortunately, for me I suspect that'll only happen when I stop breathing and people are staring at me during my funeral. Ok, I'll shut up now. Cheers to you! :D

     
  • At 3:20 AM, Blogger Scotty said…

    Wow...sounds WONDERFUL to me!

     
  • At 7:25 PM, Blogger Sangroncito said…

    Lovely.

    I think I'll make a reservation for myself tonight!

     
  • At 12:27 AM, Blogger savante said…

    Always nice to be by ourselves every once in a while :)

    Paul

     
  • At 11:20 AM, Blogger Jason said…

    Great post :)
    It is nice to take those moments to reflect on one's own life, to take stock. A lot of us get so caught up in the wacky ways of the world, we almost get lost at the big picture, and who we are, and what we ultimately want.
    Cheers!

     
  • At 8:08 PM, Blogger Annie said…

    So, do we have a verdict Mr. MattMan? Care to share? It's not like I have anything better to do :D

     
  • At 8:14 PM, Blogger Matthew said…

    Verdict? About what?

     
  • At 9:56 PM, Blogger Annie said…

    About WHAT? What do ya mean about WHAT?... You spent the entire evening contemplating your life and what you want to do.. Did you drink so much wine that you passed out and forgot? LOL! *giggle* What questions did you ask yourself? What compliments did you give yourself? ok... I know this isn't Oprah, but so, how was the date with yourself? I tend to like them better than dates with actual humans. :D

     
  • At 9:58 PM, Blogger Annie said…

    Betcha you're feeling sorry for welcoming me here, am I right? LOL.

    Anniie,
    Bored as hell, can you tell?

     
  • At 7:59 PM, Blogger M C said…

    obviously, Matt stood himself up LOL

     
  • At 8:48 PM, Blogger Hypoxic said…

    Awesome post - one of the very best I've read. Thanks!

    This is something that we all should do periodically (as long as we don't drink too much wine in the process LOL)

    Good luck!

    Kevin

     
  • At 9:23 PM, Blogger The_Gay_Dude said…

    Enjoy!

     
  • At 10:42 PM, Blogger Jim said…

    Well done. You're becoming quite the man, Matt :)

     
  • At 7:35 AM, Blogger Sorted Lives said…

    I found your blog through Hypoxic -- your evening sounded wonderful!! I look forward to reading more about you. Have a great week!!

     
  • At 9:14 AM, Blogger Spider said…

    Now THAT is a date and a great evening! Like Sorted, got here from Hypoxic and I WILL be back. I need to date myself sometime soon...

     
  • At 11:04 AM, Blogger Tony said…

    Good post. I actuallu do quite a bit od this already myself. It sometimes is the only way to really renew yourself. Have another glass of wine on me. Hope you find your answers. Hypozic gave me the referral.Hope to stop by more if time permits.

     
  • At 8:17 PM, Blogger BRETTCAJUN said…

    Wow... you are a braver man than me. I very very rarely go eat by myself and think. When I do, I get in, eat quick, then get out. I have to be around others to be happy. I get bored with my own company. Sad huh? Yeah... I know. This was your very best post ever Matt. :)

     
  • At 9:14 PM, Blogger dondon009 said…

    Thank you for sharing this beautifully written and inspiring post!

     
  • At 8:07 PM, Blogger Matthew said…

    Thanks for all the wonderful comments guys - very nice of each and every one of you

     
  • At 8:21 PM, Blogger Derek said…

    way to treat yourself. Loved this post. You know how to have fun with yourself, it is so important. I'm enjoying a rare night alone myself tonight, my other half is out with friends, and I'm really enjoying my music, smelling my spaghetti sauce in the air, and a nice glass of wine myself.

     

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