Party For One - A Glass Of Wine And Peace And Quiet

Waiter: Matthew, party of one...your table is ready....

All the lights in the apartment are off. The only light burns from a scented candle in the middle of the table where I sit. My computer is in front of me. My wine glass is filled to the top and rests to my right. I have relaxing, nostalgic, spiritual music playing in the background...the music I listened to in my college years and early years in Dallas. The chair I am sitting in is cushioned and incredibly comfortable allowing me to sink in just far enough but not giving too much. The wine is sweet but not too sweet.

This is my night for myself. For no one else...just me. There is no bar full of people to keep me company. No starbucks coffee to keep me awake. No friends and no roommate to occupy my time and discuss the latest dramatics at the workplace or political upheaval. Just me. Alone. In the dark. To sit and contemplate.

I have not spent a night like this with myself in quite a while. I used to spend many a night like this. Contemplating, journaling, thinking, dreaming, fantasizing about life...about my future...about the possibilities that life would hold for me. I think that as of late, I have been so consumed with the realities that I left no room for the possibilities of what might be.

So tonight I sit on a date with myself...a quiet evening...a nice glass of wine...peace and quiet. An evening with no distractions for me to think, ramble, sing out loud, talk to myself, sit and stare, to fall out of focus in a haze about nothing in particular. A time to simply be with me. To find out how I am doing. To hear my own heart and my own thoughts for a change. To discover what has been going on with me. To learn things about myself instead of trying to learn things about other people. To try and get in touch with how I am feeling at this point in my life.

Isn't that what a night like this should be? We are always so eager to go on a date with someone else. We ask them questions...we want to know every detail...we try to make them feel good...we compliment them...we make them feel important. So why not do that for myself. So tonight I am asking myself questions. I am wanting to find out every detail. I want to make myself feel good. I want to compliment myself. I want to make myself feel important. So that is what I am doing.

Now if you will excuse me...as the waiter said earlier...my table for one is ready...