My So Called Life - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Embrace life -- both the sweet days and the bitter...embrace the joy and the sadness...the successes and the defeats -- for all of these things, both good and bad, have made you who you are.

Friday, July 29, 2005

My Biggest Fear in Life - What Scares Me!

When I actually think about mind goes blank sometimes...

What is it that I am really afraid of? I am not talking about spiders, snakes, flying, drowning, heights, or any of the sort - even though all of those things do sort of give me the willies.

I am talking about what scares me on a deeper level.

When it comes down to it, I think my biggest fear is that I will let my life pass by without taking advantage of every possible day. I want to take advantage of this gift that has been bestowed upon me. I want to know what it means to live life to the fullest. To be able to say I never gave up, and I never backed down, but I faced every challenge and I stood up to every obstacle.

That I chose my battles wisely and carefully, and that I learned from my mistakes. To be able to look back and say that this world is a better place because I lived my life. That is something special...something that I hope will be said of my life.

Of course, no one can predict the future, and it is this which only adds to the fear deep down inside me. All of my questions, both the simple and the complex, are hidden by the shadows of the yet unforeseen future and only revealed when the light of the present uncovers them. Both of these factors are out of my control.

I can only rely on fate and destiny to reveal them to me in their own time. Sometimes, I grow impatient and wish that life would slow down. That I could enjoy more of the present...understand the simple things in life and not let a second pass by wasted. Many times it feels like I am caught on a roller coaster which will not slow down. It travels faster and faster and it is at these times that I feel life is flying by and I am "missing" something.

And just as it calms down and I stop to smell the roses, enjoy a sunny day, or relax over coffee with a good friend, Life takes over and I am thrown for a loop on the coaster. I then start all over again.

Yet in the midst of the crazy ride, I feel that if I learn to look hard enough, the answer to my fears will be found. Amazing things will be seen. I will discover who I am, and what I am capable of. I will learn that it is not the finish line that is the marker of success, but rather what I learn along the way that shapes and molds me...this is the most important process.

I am trying to learn all I can. Trying to process everything I see, feel, hear, learn every day. Enjoying life for all of its possibilities because deep down this is my biggest fear: missing out on the gifts and joys that life has to offer...being so bogged down in the trials that I forget the lessons...being so caught up in the winning that I forget to compete...being so focused on Life itself that I actually forget to enjoy the "Living"....


  • At 1:02 AM, Blogger Kelly & Joe said…

    So there are so many ways to go with this one... it's either theraputic, comical or totally random. Can't wait to see!

  • At 9:44 AM, Blogger The Gock said…

    ohhh... now that's brave. I'm anxious as well... love to hear the "deep dirty secrets". ;)

  • At 10:12 AM, Blogger Lucy Stern said…

    Trying to peek our curiosty.

  • At 4:52 PM, Blogger Sangroncito said…

    I'm getting scared just from the anticipation!

  • At 8:14 PM, Blogger Sangroncito said…

    That was a thoughtful post, Matt. It's good to take a deep breath sometimes and take measure of things.

  • At 10:14 AM, Blogger The Gock said…

    w00t.... not what I expected, but that was your point wasn't it?

    Great post... I think that's a bit of everyone's primary fear if you get right down to it. ANYone who respects life anyway.

  • At 1:07 PM, Blogger Jim said…

    You've captured another beat that everyone can feel, that fear is universal.

    I learned to measure my life by my own standards, the rush to the 'fullest life' sometimes keeps you from truly living your own.


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