My So Called Life - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Embrace life -- both the sweet days and the bitter...embrace the joy and the sadness...the successes and the defeats -- for all of these things, both good and bad, have made you who you are.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

From The Outside Looking In - A Look At Myself

I started out writing this post earlier but I deleted the entire entry and am now starting over. The post just didn't seem to be real. There were my words and my thoughts on the page, but yet somehow it did not seem to be me who was writing. It appeared that for the first time I was not writing for myself but I was writing in a certain way for those who would eventually read the post. I could not live with that. I could not live with allowing anything I write to be influenced by the eventual audience. Therefore, that earlier post had to be sent into the history books and a new post begun in its place.

My posts as of late tend to be of an introspective nature. I have been really trying to look at my life and myself and trying to dissect what I see. It is not always the easiest or cleanest process to be honest. Sometimes when you look at yourself with blunt honesty with no rose colored glasses, you do not always like what you see.

I am finding out that I do not really like a lot of what I see when I look back at myself and my life. I am not happy with what I see in the mirror and I am not happy with what I see on the inside.

The ironic thing is that I do not find myself depressed. I find not difficulty in continuing my life as before. I am not confined to my bed drowning myself in sappy movies and chocolate. Ha Ha! I still find joy in life. I still love to stay active and meet people. I still love to smile.

It is just that when I examine my life I find so much left that I want to do and so much left that I want to be. I met this guy for dinner tonight at a local deli for dinner. From the moment we began talking he just had this zest for life. I could tell that he truly enjoyed life and truly enjoyed himself and his place in the world. When he smiled talking about the stuff he did, it lit up the entire restaurant.

And it must not be construed that I have nothing in my life that I am happy with or am proud of. I just think there is so much left for me to do and I do not want to fall into a rut where I do not accomplish any of it.

So I guess as I am sitting here writing out my thoughts and working through things, I would say that I am not unhappy with all that I see...it is more that I see untapped potential of what I could be. And I desperately do not want to waste the opportunity I have in this life.

Because as I discussed with a friend earlier...

We have only one life - there are no refunds or exchanges...But upgrades are allowed and I intend to upgrade my life as much as I can...

posted by M @ 7:57 PM  

7 Comments:

  • At 9:07 PM, Blogger The_Gay_Dude said…

    My Mother always used to say, "This ain't no dress rehearsal." It's good and healthy to examine your life....to take inventory. I hope you accomplish all which you set forth....to tackle....

     

  • At 7:20 PM, Blogger Spider said…

    I for one am glad you look at yourself and see the potential - the potential for growth that is in all of us - for this is what growth and maturity and development is all about. If it were not for this, we would just sit around with a drink in our hand and post pictures of ourselves on our blog - and you DON'T do that - and that is why I enjoy your site!

     

  • At 8:06 PM, Blogger sp13 said…

    Self examination and being introspective is a healthy and beneficial task, whether the result is mixed with good and bad. The fact that you are even attempting it shows a lot about your character.

    You have the respectable ability to demonstrate a decent and comfortable personality externally, whether you find things you may not particularly like internally.

    I look forward to hearing your update.

     

  • At 11:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I think it's very cool that you continually look at yourself. "Happiness" was the focus of Good Morning America the other day. Here is a site that they referred to:

    http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/

     

  • At 6:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Thank you for sharing this important thoughts!!!
    I Think someone with this thoughts must have good personality

    Nice post

     

  • At 11:20 PM, Blogger THX1138 said…

    This is a very cool post mate. I had thought some stuff to reply and it turned out to make for a real long reply, but u don't need that. A thought I carry is that when we look outside of ourselves and only see arid deserts where there ought to be flowers in bloom, me must look at the details... Paradise is in the details... and reading your post makes me one of Aristotle's guys when he says: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." Way to go bruv, way to go!

     

  • At 4:54 PM, Blogger Jim said…

    A period of growth for you, Matt, this is good. Dinner-guy crossed your path for a reason, run with it.

     

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